


Deep Water

by Caroaimezoe



Series: Trainwreck [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Dark, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-04-20 05:48:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14254314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: Because you asked for, there Trainwreck part 2. What happens to Donatello and Leonardo? Read it if you were dying to know.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Winnychan helped. I'm still not an English speaker.

 

 

_Cold water leaked on his face, and it was good. He was diving with Leo, in the depth of a blue sea, fishing starfish. His head had bumped a rock, and Leo was laying him on the beach with so much tender care, and sweet words._

_“Why have you drunk so many margaritas, Don? It's not good when the sun is so bright. You're too smart to ignore that fact, my treasure.”_

_Leo was blocking the hurtful sunbeam with his face, his features were so soft, and his eyes were gleaming with pure love._

_Donnie was indeed feeling kind of sick. Leo was right. He had drunk too much or it was his bump on the head. How he had managed to get hurt, again? He didn’t even remember._

_"You...you are okay Leo?” he asked, though he didn’t know why. Leo was in front of him, smiling. Nothing to worry over._

_“Yes. I didn’t have these awful Margaritas that Mikey made. I prefer Sex on the beach,” he replied in a lustful tone, his hand slipping on Donnie’s wet body, stroking him purposefully._

_The lips of the leader brushed his, and it was good. Fresh as water, and suddenly all his body ached, except for the lips that Leo was kissing._

_But, then, the leader stepped back, frowning:_

_“You… you don’t want me anymore, do you, Donnie?”_

_Donnie tried to open his eyes, and look down at his body, but he couldn’t. Leo’s upset face occupied all his vision. Why his sudden 180? No. He wanted him. So badly. His lips were so soft and nice, and his love so sweet. His lover was the sun of his life, and he was the insignificant little Earth turning around him to stay alive. He knows that if Leo were there, with him, all would be fine. Why was Leo saying such an insane affirmation? He tried to reach Leo, and to tell him that he loved, wanted, and needed him, but the hypnotic blue glare prevented him from doing so._

_“So, the purple will be fine, alone…” he whispered, stepping back again._

_Now, after having uttered this cryptic statement, Leo was disappearing, fucking evaporating, like from an X-files episode and Donnie wanted to scream at the leader,“Don’t leave!”_

_He tried to get up, to grab Leo before he left for good, but he wasn’t able to move. He heard voices like coming from above, and he tried to ask for help.Then, he deciphered the words, his name._

_“Donatello for fuck sake! Wake up! I’m begging ya!”_

_Raph. It was Raph screaming at him, his voice filled with anguish._

_“Don’t yell at him, Raph! You know he is probably in pain.”_

_Mikey. He sobbed, Don could tell, and he was struggling. He never liked when Mikey was crying, even when it was faked to have his part of a pizza. So, it was even more upsetting when it was a genuine sorrow like this._

_“What I gave him will help with his withdrawal symptoms.”_

_April? What the hell was happening?_

_“I’m most concerned by his head. He had been hit pretty bad. Harder than with a hockey stick!”_

_It was Casey, now. Knowing that Casey was concerned about him was pretty disturbing, and Don tried to move with more force. But it was the last voice that makes Don came out of his unconscious state, by his terrible question._

_“Donatello, my son. Please tell us what happened to Leonardo.”_

* * *

There, he was again. It was worse than the last time. He was always drenched in sweat, but quivering from fever, like the worse case of flu since the Spanish one, in 1919. All of his muscles were aching as there were burned by battery acid. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t that much. But, it was a constant aching and Don was still hoping to fix it by changing positions but it just makes different muscles ache. Donnie was doing a lot of thrashing and turning over, fighting to arrange cushions and blankets, and nothing really helped, and it was alienating. Twice by an hour, he discarded the cover, anyway, because it was drenched by his disgusting sweat. His poor brothers had so much laundry to do because of him. Knowing it was so much a burden didn’t help Donnie to feel better.

He felt like he had drunk acid too. His stomach felt dribbled with holes, and he wondered if the victims of the Borgia’s family had suffered like him before dying from poison. Of course, he couldn’t sleep either, eaten alive by all this pain, like it was fire ants, and kept awake by the deafening and fast pounding of his heart. It was pure HELL.

It was worse because he knew that he could never feel that release again.

Not after what happened.

The vision of Leo, struggling to stay awake, delusional about starfish’s fate and poesy, before being tagged and dragged away, was haunting him.

_“You are my other half, Donnie. Pliant when I’m stiff, logical when I'm too emotional. Raph is okay with this, and Mikey too. I’m sure now, that it’s a good decision. Please, Donnie, be with me. I will make you forget everything your drug might give you.”_

No, Don could not forget, the leader’s loving voice, and only the drugs could help him now that Leo, his other-half, was missing. But this was out of the question. Master Splinter won’t allow it, Raph won’t allow it, Mikey won’t allow it and neither would April, nor this bonehead of Casey. And to be honest, even if he was in pain, he wouldn’t allow it either.

No, when Leo was probably expecting vivisection in this Bishop’s laboratory.

Then he was puking again, and curling in on himself, and Raph removed the bowl and wiped clean his chin.

“Hold on, bro. Ya have still three days, and you’ll be good. When ya not dopesick, we will start looking for Leo,” Raph whispered with gentleness.

Donnie closed his eyes. Raph tried to be comforting, and in a way it was, to have his brother, ex-rival, so compassionate about him. But Donatello knows better about “getting clean”. Clean time doesn’t equal recovery. Addiction doesn’t work like that. He had checked about this, when he had schemed to make Raph addicted to morphine. He had read so many heartbreaking stories, about people working so hard on themselves to recover. Still, that didn't stop him from giving morphine to Raph, nor did it stop him later from shooting up himself, knowing very well how it was a powerful addiction. Once you have it, you will always have it. Don had to choose to stop feeding it, and all by himself, since he couldn’t go to any twelve step program because of his mutant form.  

It would be damn hard, he knew. Each day, it would have to fight his inner demons: knock them down, only to see them rise up two hours later. But he must find the strength to doing so, because Leo needed him. His missing brother was the only thing that mattered to him, more than ever. At least, he had to stay clean until Leo was safe, in their home.

“Yeah,” he replied, painfully.“I’m just so upset that I can’t be of any help. You didn't learn anything about a guy named Bishop, running a lab for the government?”

Raph shook his head.

"I checked the corpses of these bastards. They all had 'EPF' stitched onto their outfits. April googled it. She found nothing. It doesn’t seem a legit government lab.”

The turtle curled on the floor sighed.

“That means nothing. If you bring me her laptop, I will be able to hack the…”

Raph stayed silent, but Donnie saw it: mistrust. Mistrust about him having a laptop, and so, being able to buy morphine and get high again.

It would be so good.

But he couldn’t! He won’t!

These intrusive thoughts would chase him daily, and he would have to fight them, as he would have to fight to have the trust of his family back again, after this wreck.

“Raph. It’s over, I swear to you. I just want Leo’s back, as soon as possible, and to be effective, I must be clean. I get that. But I need a computer too. You can stay with me, and watch what I do.”

“I understand shit about what you do on this damn computer,” Raphael protested in a grunting voice, and Donnie shivered. All of this was too much to bear. His physical withdrawal, Leo’s abduction by his fault, and his family doubting him. But he had deserved so much worse.

Indeed, his family had been considerate, despite Don’s confession about everything, when he had gained consciousness. He had been dreaming about being by the sea, with Leo, warmed by the sunbeam. But it was, in fact, a rough cot, instead of the sand, and the bright operation light instead of the sun. April had slip sub in his mouth, giving him water and helped Master Splinter to take care of his injured head.

He had a skull fracture. He couldn’t make himself an IRM and struggled to keep apart concussion and withdrawal symptom, but anyway, he didn’t really care about himself. He could die, but not before having to find Leonardo.

Thinking of his lost brother was his most significant misery.

They had heard his confession. Don had explained how he self- medicated his heartache and his remorse for the wrong done to his family, taking morphine. That he has been high most of the time in the last months, instead of working at the protection of the lair, and that when the bad guys had broke in, he had been unable to do so, because of his smashing computer and by his state. He had told about Leo’s courage, his confident demeanor, fighting like a tiger, and trying to deceive Bishop by lying to him about Donatello. He hadn't hidden the fact that it was mostly because of his inability, that Leo had been drugged and kidnapped. He had told about Leo’s tag number and the man responsible for his abduction.

Yes, he told about the man, countless time, to be sure not to forget a thing and that his family didn’t, too.

His name was Bishop, and he was a tall man of 6’2, probably 200 pounds, wearing casual clothes under a black jacket and some shaded glasses. The man must have trouble with his eyesight, he had insisted, as it was relevant information. But Donatello needed to communicate all of what he can, to help in their search for the beloved leader.

A long silence had followed his admission. Then, Master Splinter had put a comforting hand on his cheek.

“Rest my son. We will need your cerebral ability to get your brother out of there.”

How Master Splinter hadn’t hit him was beyond him. Leonardo was his well-known favorite, and the loss of his star pupil must be hard on their Sensei. But the old rat didn’t have a blame to tell.

And Donnie feels almost worse for this. He didn’t deserve that forgiveness. It was yesterday, he thinks, but it had lost track of time.

“Please, Raph. I know you miss him. We all do. I can’t stand to be alive knowing that he probably suffer alone while I…”

“Shut-up, Donnie,” Raph commanded, but it was more a plea than an order. “Ya dying on us, won’t help Leo. Ya need a break. Ya need to get clean and recover. Leo would be fine. Ya know how he is. I’m not used to calling Fearless a stupid coward. Ya know as I do that Leo is a stubborn bastard and a clever son of a bitch. He has stamina, and he could reach whatever crap Nirvana with his mind not to feel pain. His fighting spirit is something! They won’t bend him!”

Raph was talking with so much passion, that Donnie had a weak smile.

“I think you are still in love with him. I’m sorry to have interfered. If I hadn’t, we would not be in this mess.”

Raphael shrugged, flushing slightly and if Don had not been so in pain, he could have almost teased him about it.

“Maybe I’m still, but it’s not important, because he didn’t feel that way about me anymore if one day he had. He was in love with ya. He told me before going patrolling. He wanted my blessing or some kind of shit like that”

Don despite nausea felt stirred. He didn’t have dreamed about it. Leo had told the truth. Leo had confessed his feeling, trying to make love to him, and he had remained as motionless as a stone.

As a blue morphine pill.

He was so furious with himself. He wanted to shot or shoot himself. If Raph can get away, he would find a way to go topside and forget the pain.

Don stared at the inside of his elbow, picturing a needle, piercing his green-olive skin, to bring him a release. He could saw the vein, just there, full of blood, but empty of morphine. He so wished the other way around. Cold dead or high as fuck.

He shivered at the picture. He must knock down this though. He tried to picture a Leo butchered, but the only thing he could achieve was to vomit again. Thinking about the drug was dangerous. Thinking about Leo was too much upsetting. But he had to take one of this choice. Already his thoughts were turning evil, and he hated the feeling. Hated the knowing, the recognition of his wickedness, and every new burden of guilt that came with it. He already had more than enough reasons to hate himself.The back and forth of guilt versus craving will be a constant fight, and he couldn’t back his guard down. Never.

“I need...a needle,” he stammered, and while Raph was shooking his head fiercely, he added.

“Tell Mikey to come over and bring the tattoo kit that we gave him, you and me, at his last birthday! Do you remember how Leo was pissed about this gift?”

“Yeah. He was. He talked shit about choosing the gift for his little brother was a leader’s prerogative. What a smug prick!”Raph said, his voice filled with tenderness at the memory. “What about it, Don? What ya gonna do?” he wanted to know, frowning.

“Don’t ask. Just told Mikey to come here,” Don struggled to explain, between his stomach ache. “And after, I will need at least a mobile if you are too distrusting me with a laptop. Whatever you think, I need both of these.”

“Excuse-me to be damn concerned about ya using a needle!” Raph snapped. “I won’t leave you alone. I will text Mikey about this weird request of yer, and that's it. But forget about yar laptop or any damn internet! We will discuss it when you’ll be cleaned of that shit!”

“Raph, there no way to reach darknet via mobile,” he tried to protest.”Not safely. All the traffic would not be anonymous, a big red flag to say _"I am browsing illegal networks, look at me!”_ I won’t do that! I’m not that dumb or insane”

"Damnit, NO WEB AT ALL AND THAT'S FINAL!” Raph bellowed.“Ya made such batshit crazy choices, Don, already! I’m not sure to really know who ya are, now"

"But..."

"NO BUTS. Now shaddup about it!"Raph declared, authoritatively.

Don sighed, his eyes closed, but said nothing. It was pointless to remind Raph that he had rode his bike, wasted, and that he had not that much lessons to give about lifestyle choices. Raph was almost as stubborn as Leo was. It was self- evident that despite maybe Raph’s genuine love, their couple couldn't have worked out. But his main concern was Raph’s bellowing, and he hides his ear. He needed silence, and darkness, to not feel overwhelmed. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel all Raph’s pain, remorses, and anguish. Raphael was greatly upset. He had the right to be with his beloved one away, probably in danger, and his other brother,  a dopesick junkie from who he was the designed babysitter. Raph, despite being a well-known alcoholic seemed confused, defenseless and afraid of addiction. Donatello curled up more, his forearm hiding his eyes. He didn’t want to be trouble. Once upon a time, he had been a trustworthy medic and a competent engineer. He had been made to help and heal. Not being a useless burden.

Mikey came, like one hour later, kneeling beside him, Don felt his comforting presence, despite his arm hiding his arm.

“What can I do for you, bro?”

Donnie shows him his arm, and when Mikey took his elbow with gentleness, Donnie noticed how the drug had made him lose weight. His arm was so tiny in Mikey’s hands; he now gets why Leonardo was so concerned about it.

He can't help himself to think about him. But thinking about Leo was the proper thing to do. He was done, trying to escape the reality, and not face the consequence of his erratic behavior. He needed never to forget. To have Leo always in mind, to not relapse and so, being useful in his search for him. Donatello was done being weak. Leo had been so strong. The leader had butchered all of this men, when Don was trembling behind his bo. He had dropped on his knee, despite his pride, for Donnie. He had kept the presence of mind to lie to save Don, and used all of his last capacity to try to comfort him. And as payment for so much bravery, he was somewhere, tortured by an evil scientist.  

“I need a good reminder. Tattoo me the number “1451” on it. Cover all of this space,” he asked, swallowing heavily, pointing at the place he had shoot himself the first time. “Use royal blue ink.”

Mikey didn’t question it and prepared his instruments. Drooling; Don stared while the orange-clad turtle used an alcohol wipe to clean the area. He remembers having used this kind of care before his fix. Raph watched him as carefully as a hawk, and Don had a shiver. He could not afford to relapse. It would be at the price of his brothers and of Leo. He could not fail Leo, again!

“Make it big. But not too much. Every time that I will feel the morphine crave, I will ask you the same thing.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta

Two hundred and fifty days. Two hundred and fifty days that Donatello was clean, and that Leo was missing.  Two hundred and fifty days, that they were looking for Bishop's installation, and that they failed.

Two hundred and fifty red “X” on the kitchen calendar, and almost as many blue starfish or “1451” on Don’s skin. On his legs and his arms, everywhere he already put a needle. All the spots he could use to shoot himself up were now covered by blue royal ink. Don was looking like a circus freak but didn’t give a damn. That helped him to stay clean.

His family told Donnie that they were proud of him. Two-hundred days without morphine was an achievement, but Donnie didn't feel proud at all. He didn't dare voice his worries, but his mind was screaming it endlessly at him.

Each day that he failed to find Bishop's location was a day that Leonardo was more broken by this man. He refused to think about the leader's death. He heard sometimes Mikey and Raph sob and whisper, when they were thinking Don was sleeping.

They had begun to lost hope toward the third months of Leo’s abduction. Don had never.

It couldn't be. Leo couldn’t be dead. Donnie knew that deep inside of him; he would feel it if something definitive happened to Leonardo.  Leo was still alive, but in which state?

It was the essence of all his nightmares. Donatello dreaded sleep now. It was either dreaming of Leo being lobotomized without anesthesia or finding hundred of morphine filled syrings in his drawers. Whatever dream, it was, he woke-up in sweat, next to the brother sharing this bed, this night.

It wasn't a sharing bed as he had, a long time ago, for such a short time, with Leonardo. There was nothing sexual, and only brotherly love under the bedsheet. But that didn’t change the fact that it was alienating.  Don, even if all of them pretended to be impressed by his wills, didn't have a private life, anymore. It wasn’t allowed to be alone, even in the restroom, and it was humiliating. But how he could complain when Leo was tortured?

Two hundred and fifty days.

Two hundred and fifty days of unknown Leo’s suffering, in an unknown place.

Two hundred and fifty days of bedtime when Don was calling himself a failure.

Sometimes, when he felt weak, his mind replayed his last “good” moment with Leo.

He still felt Leo’s ghost touch, after so much time. His strokes, his kiss...it was like it was still lingering on his skin. Leo had call himself his other half, and Donnie could relate to this. Leo’s gone he couldn’t find peace. It was more than if it was his half actually missing. Leo was all his living parts, and there nothing left of Donnie, except for an empty corpse.

“Again? Do ya nothing else to do? It’s like three hours in a row that we are sparring, Don!” Raph, asked, breathless.

No. Donatello had nothing else to do. All of his attempts to find Bishop’s hideout were unsuccessful and that was driving him crazy. He needed to be fit, to gain muscles and stamina, to not be such a weakness next time. In more than eight months, he had taken some weight,  and even if he could not at all being described as bulky, he had never been so muscular and in shape. again Leonardo had told him so many time, to be ready for the day that his technology would be useless. Leo had been right, and Don didn’t want to disappoint him again. When the leader would be safe, Donnie wanted to show that he had been sitting on his ass, while the leader had gone. He wanted to show Leonardo that he had train seriously, to be able to be useful next time.

“Yeah. Attack me again, Raph. Give me all that you have!”

Raphael grunted his teeth, sais in hands, rushing over him, again. Don knew that his ass will be pinned on the mat before five minutes had passed. But sparring was something to do, to improve. To keep his mind far off morphine and to not be too overwhelmed by the pain of Leonardo’s absence.

It was just to keep his defense a few minutes more, each day. Just too not fail Leo again, the next time they met. Because the leader was still alive, he knew it. He could not make so vivid dream about a dead.

Because, sometimes, he dreamed of this, Leo’s skilled hand on him, and sometimes he wondered if it wasn’t the worst dream. It wasn’t the obvious boner that gave him, next Mikey or Raph, who bothered him, but longing for Leo all over again, all the following day.

And he knew that he would have his eyes misted of tear all days, stroking some Leo’s belonging, asking it in a painful voice where the fuck was their owner.

Yes, sparring, and suffering from Raph’s punch and kick, will be alleluia good in comparison to having porn dream about his missing lover.  The physical pain was tissues paper, in comparison to his longing for Leo and fighting his craving for drugs. Because that, too, never disappeared, despite what his naive brothers could believe.

Then, Raph threw his sais on the ground, cursing.

“I sick and tired to play Sensei with ya, Donnie! Nothing personal, bro, but I kind of see ya too much lately, and I don’t feel at all to pummel yer depressed face, again.”

Don could understand. Mikey and Raph shared watch over him continuously. Master Splinter barely left his bedroom, in the last fourth months. The first weeks, he had kept his fighting spirit to find the eldest, and make them practice harder. But, lately, Master Splinter seemed to avoid the Dojo. Probably it was upsetting for him, to see this room, where his favorite son was showing off his impressive blades with grace, usually. He told them that he tried to reach Leo by meditation, and even if Donatello was too logical to believe it was indeed possible, he kind of hoped so.

But the fact was that, despite being still, legs crossed all the day, their father had still never reach Leonardo.

“What I mean, Donnie, is maybe we should...I dunno...not move forward at all, but...ya know patrolling to find random bad guys to beat up.”

Don turned his head sharply, the violet tails of his bandana flying from a shoulder to another.

“You want to abandon Leo’s search!”

Raph made a peaceful gesture.

“No. Of course, not. Just...you know, let off some steam.”

Donatello narrowed his eyes.

“And who’ll lead this patrol, hum? You? It’s what you want? Take Leo place?” he hissed.

Raph grew angry by the accusation, and usually, Donatello knew better than pissed off more an angry Raphael, but he didn’t care, incensed himself.

“I won’t go topside to stop some robber’s purse when Leo is…”

He saw it, before it's happened. Raph was losing it and they will have an epic fight. As feral as some of Leo with Raph himself.

“Leo is probably fucking dead! Stop lying to yourself, Don!” Raph bellowed, shoving Donnie with all his strength.

“He is not!” the scientist shouted too, shoving Raph back.

“How could you say, that, genius!”

“I would feel it!” Don snapped, before noticing the stupidity of his answer. He saw the fire dim in Rap’s blazing green-amber eyes. Donnie could tell that Raph loves Leo, as much as this brute could love someone. It was arrogant to pretend that he could feel Leo, and not him.

“Yar as crazy as Dad with this supernatural crap” he growled.”Leo is dead.”

But, right after his harsh statement, tears run on Raph’s cheek and Don’s indignation faded as well. Raph was only overwhelmed by his emotion and greatly upset. 

“I wish he is not. I hope so. But he is so clever...if he didn't find a way to escape yet...I know that Fearless will think like me. He is better dead, than a prisoner and be tortured. I prefer to think he is dead because it's easier to cope with the fact that we don’t find him and that he suffers because of our failure.”

Don lowered his head. Raph was generous to not blame him. They put so much hopes on him, and his so-called genius brain. But the fact was Donnie’s brain was still busy to forget morphine.

Sometimes, Donnie was scheming to find a way to escape his brothers ‘s watch, and rob a drugstore. He didn't ask a new tattoo for more than a month, but even if the craving was weakened, he still remembers how getting high was good.

But then, he just had to look at himself, and then remembered how Raph had stopped drinking, and Mikey eating sweet. They did it out of solidarity. He couldn't let them down. Neither Leonardo.

Sometimes when the need was too strong, he pictured fantasies. He was saving the poor leader, and they had sex.  He remembered how Leo was a great lover, with stamina, skilled hands and long cock. He didn't have sex since the last time in the tunnels. He knew very well that he didn't deserve Leo’s gratitude at all and it was unlikely that there will happen. Anyway, he didn't linger too much about that. He couldn't afford to jerk off when Mikey or Raph was watching him.

He was the ungrateful bastard. His brothers wanted to protect him, was helping him, the best they could, even not blaming him for this mess. Raph had stopped drinking, and was as well sex deprived. He needed an outlet. Don can’t deny him that when all his family was putting their life on hold for Donnie’s sake.

“You're right, Raph. Let’s have a patrol no Leo related this night.” he yielded with a sigh.

 

It wasn't long before they found trouble. Criminals were bolder, not having been stopped by any turtle over more than eight months.

The dock was a good place to look for. Weapons or drugs importation, there was always something about to happen. Donnie tried to not think too much about maybe morphine or other opiates, hidden by decoy in these box from Asia.

Laying on top of four containers, one above the other, they watched in silence maybe twenty minutes before they spotted shadows.

“Purple Dragons. There are up to something” Raph whispered. “Mikey, go left. Don, you stick with me.”

Donatello rolled his eyes. Even in patrol, his brothers were nursing him. But how he could blame them when he had thought again about morphine, like five times in the last hour.Mikey nodded, without asking question. The youngest was restless, since they were topside. Michelangelo didn’t have Raph barely contained aggressivity, but Donnie could tell that he was glad to be free. He frowned in displeasure, feeling it as an affront to Leonardo. He bit his lips, and tried to calm down. How his brothers could forget about Leo? How could they leave the leader down, after that Leo gave-up his life for them?

When Mikey was gone, he turned his sour mood toward the so-called new leader.

“So, what is your plan, Raph exactly? You send Mikey caught them by the left, but not give him any further pieces of information.” Donatello pointed out. “ What is the goal of this operation of yours? Your drag us here. Now, what?”

“Ya wanna be the leader, Donnie?” Raph hissed.“There a reason why Leo was the leader. He was made for this crap of stealthiness without taking a life. I ain't, but we don't give a shit. We are not here to play Mr. Nice Turtle. We are here for smashing some bad guy skull”

If Leo was indeed dead, he must turn over in his tomb, hearing how after all these years by his side, Raph was still so ruthless, having learned nothing from Leo’s leadership. It was very easy to predict mess. Donatello though, sadly.  He couldn’t afford death when Leo’s fate was unknown.

“Even for smashing bad guys skull, having a plan is always a better way to do things. Now, you just had split the team, and…”

“GUYS!”

Neither of them bothering to asking what it was, because they knew. Mikey was screaming, and in a quick jump, Raph was already on the ground, rushing to the left.

“LEO, PLEASE! I’M YOUR BRO!”

Donatello didn’t notice the fear in his little brother's voice. The only word he recognized in Michelangelo's supplication was that name, so familiar, that his mind kept repeating for so long. Leo, with an "L" as Love, Lust, Life, and Longing

He felt like he was flying, and even ran past Raph, to then stop on his track.

A katana blade was pointed at Mikey's throat, and no doubt about it, it was indeed their brother Leonardo, holding it. It was Leo’s stance, and his body, despite he wore black clothes. It was dark, too outside, but there was a light pole enough close to see the green skin and the bald skull. And Mikey, who was at the length of a katana of him, won’t call him Leo for anything. And it was indeed Leo's sword too. 

Something was off, though, and not only because the ex-leader was threatening their little brother.

Mikey then, turned his scared eyes toward them, because Raph had just stopped like him, uttering an audible “Fuck”.

Raphael recovered more quickly that Don, too shocked to move or talk.

“Leo, please. It’s only Mikey. He didn’t mind to scare you, whatever the fuck ya do. We’re patrolling to look for ya!”

Leonardo turned in a sharp move his head to glare at Raph, and Don quivered of happiness. It was him. He could recognize the blue eyes of his lover, without mistake. But, then, he saw no recognition at all in the blue-steel irises and that was frightening.

Raph slapped him on the shell, and made a gesture meaning a kind of :

_“Stop staring and be the genius you are supposed to be, to find a way to stop this fucked-up situation”_

Don remained speechless one full minute, his brain trying to work overtime, but it was like it was only wet fuses.

“Maybe...maybe...maybe he didn’t understand English anymore...This Bishop brainwashed him, and...” Donnie stammered.

And then, just for shocking Donnie even more, Leo spoke.

“Who are you? Aliens?” he asked, with totally Leo’s deep voice, without removing his blade from Mikey’s throat from an inch.

He could tell that Raph was too flabbergasted to be of any help at all, so all of this was on Don’s shoulder. Leo was looking at them with so much suspicion and even, hate that he felt like in front of a wild animal.

“We are not alien…” he didn’t call him by his name, because obviously, Leo didn’t remember it, “ We are like you. You are one of us.”

Leo blinked.

“You are an experiment, too?” he asked, still cautious.“Do you work with us? Against them?”

Donatello knew nothing about who was “us” and “them”, but since they are three mutant turtles, he could say yes without too much lying. So, he nodded.

“Come closer,” Leo commanded

At this, Raph mute’s spell broke. He grabbed Don by his wrist

“ Don’t go, Donnie, he will…”

“Donnie?” Leo hissed with hatred. “You are the creature having done this to me!” he spat, his face twisted in anger.

Before the end of his sentence, he was rushing over Donatello, katanas swirling, but Raph placed himself in front of him, sais in hand, blocking the swords..

“Take a grip, Fearless. It’s not ya! They do fucking tricks at yar mind! You know how much Donnie loved ya!”

Maybe Raph was hoping that Leo’s nickname will awake his memory or the reference about Don's love for him, but it wasn’t the case. In a swift move, Leo tore off his leather jacket, revealing a black tank-top, under it, probably to fight Raph comfier. Don wondered an instant about how the clothes were sexy on Leo, and why he never wear it before and then, Don opened his eyes widely, realization kicking in hard, harder than any drug injection. 

Leonardo was wearing clothes because now it could fit on him.

Because Leonardo had no shell anymore.

That was insane, but it was real, right here in front of him. Their damn spine was in their shell, and so Leo couldn’t have it removed without dying. Donnie, picturing the horrific chirurgy wanted to puke. 

But Leo seemed fucking alive and in better shape than ever seeing how he gave a hard time to Raph. Leo moved faster, and he was doing trick with his swords that Donne had never seen before.

“A little help here!” the hot head yelled before receiving a huge hit, with the katana hilt, and Mikey moved the first. He was still in shock, and so, Leo easily knocked him down, too. Then, he looked at Donnie, the only one still standing up, and the scientist saw his death in those blue eyes he cherished so much

“You will pay for your crime, Alien,” he declared, raising his katana in his favorite finishing move, and Don almost dropped to his knee in acceptance. He won't fight back, even if he believed he could stand a chance. If he died now, he would never be again torn apart by his guilt and his morphine addiction. He would die relieved to know Leonardo alive, and anyway, he rather preferred dying from his lover’s blade than from an overdose in a dark alley.

Donnie whispered some goodbye love word in Japanese, more for himself than for Leo. Probably that Leo didn’t even know Japanese anymore, if he didn’t even recall his name. Don closed his eyes, waiting for the fatal blow.

But, his executioner stopped himself, murmuring

“What about these numbers on you…”

Then, Leo uttered a painful hiss, and blood flooded from his arm. Raph had just attempted to stop him, by stabbing him in the back. Raphael was looking at his weapon in amazement, but Don didn’t have time to try to understand for what the red-cladded turtle was so stunned.

At the same moment, a human wearing an EPF outfit arrived.

“Commander! All the witness has been eliminated. What you needed is here.” he said, pointing a wooden crate. Then, he noticed the turtles near the one he had called “commander.”

“Do you have order about those, Commander Caesar?

Neither Raph or Donnie reacted at the foreign and pompous name, too busy to look at the phenomenon. Where the sai had scratched the skin, the wound healed itself. But Leonardo having survived at a damn spine removal, won’t die from a scratch, Don told himself, his mouth dry, waiting for Leo’s answer. Leonardo had been stopped in his fury, by his tattoo. Maybe...

“No,” he said, stepping back. “They are victims, as I am. Except, they are harmless. I ain't. Do you see their weapons? It's outdated. Alien have better tech.”

Without a look at his wounded arm, who was anyway, fine, now, he turned his back, grabbing his leather jacket, giving a full view of his back and ass to Don, as if the purple-banded turtle wasn’t enough troubled.

The leather black pants were so tight, that Donnie could tell that Leo didn’t have any tail either. Of course, he didn’t. The tail was the end of his spine, and his spine had been removed to be replaced by...what? Don swallowed heavily, remembering Leo’s alluring tail. He would never see it again. But it wasn’t his main concern. His eldest brother had been tortured, as he had imagined, but in a much-twisted way that he had even pictured in his worst nightmare.

“Don! Damn it! My blade! Do ya see it! I fucking try to stab him and my sai had slipped on his back! How he has a damn back, anyway? How this shit is even possible!” Raph asked, upset, shaking him, while Leo, paying them no mind, was checking his wooden crate, while the other man was holding a flashlight.

In the light, Donnie could better see the changes in his former lover. Leonardo had grown, certainly, a good three inches, no doubt, because of his new spine. His skin was deeper green than his memory, giving him the rich color of a lush rainforest.His arms, his shoulders and, he observed looking down, his legs, were only long muscles, without an ounce of fat, as if he were a deity of jade and not a creature of flesh, under his leather clothes.  
  
His brother's face had lost its juvenile roundness, the jaw bone being finely marked. It was amazing how this beloved face could have changed in such a short span time. This figure was virile, mature, and the carnation, healthy for an mutant turtle. No one looking at it could have believed that this creature had been tortured.  
  
The blue eyes stretched out, refusing to be ignored. Perhaps it was because he had not seen his brother without his bandana, since childhood, that they seemed so much to radiate. Leo’s face was bare, while all his body was covered. It was an upsetting change. But an impression of strength and assurance emanated from Leo and this kind of arrogance also didn’t seem that of a prisoner, held against his will. And he had been called "Commander".

“Don! Damn it! Stop staring at his ass! Do something!” Raph roared, when Mikey was gaining back his senses.

How this Bishop had managed to fuck-up the leader like this, to the point that Leo didn’t even recognize his bro or his name anymore. But now, Leo was about to leave and Donnie would never have the answer to his question, if he let the leader go.

He would never see the blue gaze again.

Raph slapped him, and Don started, blurted:

“Commander Caesar!”

Leo turned to look at him, expressionless.

“Yes?”

“Thanks for sparing our lifes. Your combat is our, too. If you accept to lead us in battle, we will follow you.” he said softly, while standing up carefully to not rile the former leader.

If there still some Leo is this Caesar, he would appreciate the ego’s stroke.

Leo blinked, in the same way, he did before, when he was still their leader and brother, and was caught off the guard, and then stretched a smug half-smile.

“Well, If one day, we were enough desperate for that, I’ll remember that.” Leo replied with indifference, before turning toward the man with him. “Soldier, we’re off. Return to the base.”

Don didn’t know what to do, and Mikey squeezing his hand as a request for comfort, gave him a last idea.

“If we need help, because they want to hurt us, how I can find you?” he asked nervously. He had no idea who were the bad guys in this.

Leo stayed silent and then, his eyes lingered on Donatello from his head to his toe, and the genius shivered. He knew that look. Leo didn’t look at him often like that, but he still remembered it. Leo was appreciating what he looked at, in a horny way, and it burned Donnie to the core. How was Leo as a lover, without a shell and a tail? It it would be like having a human lover? Did he still have his dick in his plastron? he wondered, before chastising himself to have erotic though when it was so uncalled. 

“Well, when I’m not busy, I love hanging around the beach…Maybe a place like a turtle like you are, now, could appreciate.”

Without a goodbye, in some insane jumps, he was gone, leaving his brothers crushed under the shock.

“A Turtle like we are now? What then Leo thinks we were before? And who he thinks he is, now?” Mikey asked, sobbing,and Donnie thinks irrelevantly that reflecting about that will take his mind far from his morphine addiction for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

“What the fuck was that?” Raph roared for the hundredth time. They’d just arrived at the lair and Raph was still incensed, but mostly upset. Don could relate. “How the fuck is it even possible. Explain how Leo has no damn shell any more. Didn’t ya tell us that this shit would kill us it if it happened?”

Don opened his mouth and managed a weak “Raph” before the volatile turtle cut him off and started another unnerving topic, as he paced like a caged wild animal.

“Do ya get it in yer thick skull that Fearless doesn’t recognize me anymore?” Raph spat, his face twisted in pain, while his mind was probably picturing the fight he’d had with their eldest brother.

“He didn't recognize any of us, Raph. I know it's upsetting, but…” Donatello tried to temporize.

“It’s not the same damn thing! Fearless and I’d been together for months! We’d been mates for fuck’s sake! Fix this, Donnie or I swear ya’ll need more than morphine to relieve da pain” Raph growled, his eyes flashing threateningly.

Mikey uttered an incredulous squeak and Don’s eyes just flew wide in shock. This word was taboo in the lair and the hothead himself was usually very serious about avoiding discussing drugs with Don, but after having been denied so much by his own brother, Raph was too overwhelmed by his feelings to care.

Donnie tried to fight his own need to curl up and cry. Not because of Raph’s aggressive display, but because of his own pain. He knew that Raphael didn’t mean it. He’d just tried to stab Leo, so he could save Donnie. Raph was only upset and had every right to be so. His beloved brother must have been suffering tremendously to be in such a state that he’d forget his own identity. Guilt and sorrow took their hold on Donatello, making him feel like he was suffocating. He knew deep inside that it wasn’t easy to “fix” this and that there were things beyond repair, like Leo’s missing shell and tail. Some part of the leader would remain broken, even if he remembered who he was.  But that wasn’t something Raphael was ready to hear.

“Raph, I swear I get it,” Don said. “But I need time to figure it out. Then we need to earn Leo’s trust again and…”

“Fix this!” Raph hissed.” It’s yer mess, to begin with! If ya hadn’t fucked up by flirting with him, plotting against me to have him and getting high, so that you wouldn’t face the consequences of your shitty decision, Fearless would still be by my side and he’d be whole!”

It was the first time the accusation had been thrown in his face and despite the fact that it stung, Donnie accepted the emotional stab. He lowered his head, as a quiet acceptance, like he’d done earlier when he’d thought Leo was about to behead him. It was indeed true. It was his fault and Leo had paid the price for his errors and sins. He heard Mikey tried to defend him, feeling like he was under water, his mind rehashing their encounter with Leo. Leo had obviously been conditioned to believe that he, “Donnie”, was responsible for something terrible. Part of that was true, but Don could tell that Bishop had blamed him for worse crimes. No wonder that Bishop knows his name. Leo had called him Donnie many times in front of the man that evening. The mad scientist had foreseen that if Donnie found Leo someday, the latter would hate him and would try to kill him.

What an evil plan when the man had witnessed how much the brothers cherished each other with Leo’s tenderness of their last moments and Don’s absolutely crazy despair.

But Leonardo had seen his tattoo and the sight of the number had enough impact to stop Leo in his urge to kill him. So the number wasn’t unknown to Leo.  Maybe it could be a means of approaching him again. Donnie didn’t want to think about Leo’s last lustful look at him. It was probably in his head. His longing for his ex-lover made him delusional, but Leo had talked about the beach Don was willing to give it a try, even if it was a trap. It was December and snow blanketed the ground. Leo had said they’d only do it when they weren’t busy, but it was worth a try anyway.

Don looked up and said, “I’ll go meet him again and try to befriend him. Then I’ll try to extract information.  I can figure things out to know what’ll happen and how and try to fix some damage if he talks.”

It was a big promise that despite wanting it to happen from the bottom of his heart, Don wasn’t sure he could keep it. But Raph shook his head.

“There’s no fucking way ya’ll go there alone. I’ll go!” Raph said.

Mikey intervened, “I’m with Donnie on this He’s the only one, who Leo didn’t knock out and the cleverest of us. Leo would mistrust is if we outnumber him!”

“Da fuck the cleverest?” Raph snapped. “Ya so-called genius would ditch us and Leo again, as soon as he spotted the first drug dealer!”

The meanness of the comment left Donnie speechless, but Mikey was incensed.

“D’s been clean for more than eight months now!” Mikey said crossly. “He worked hard on himself and I doubt he’ll spoil his efforts when we’ve just found Leo. I trust him!”

The praise stirred Donnie, but he wasn’t sure he deserved it. He’d stayed clean, but it was more because he didn’t get to be alone than because of his strong will. The last few months had been so hellish that he’d have taken the opportunity to get high to forget if there’d been one.

But now with the hope of redemption, Don felt he would be able to resist the urge. He looked at his brothers. Raph shaking in rage and yelling, so that he wouldn’t break down and sob and Mikey, who was trying to be the peacemaker, despite his own probable pain. And what about Master Splinter, who seemed so sad and who almost never left his room. All the suffering his family was enduring was because of him.

“I swear, Raph,” Don said, stretching out his hand and patting his brother’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. “I’ll bring your Fearless back to you as soon as I can.”

Waiting for twenty-four hours was long, but Donnie tried to keep busy. He couldn’t go to the beach during the day, but it was probably the same for Leo as well. Of course, his brother could mingle with the humans more easily now he was shell-less, but he was still green, despite the slight change in hue. So he was more likely to be there at night.  

But where did Leo go during the day? How could he hide from the humans? He was obviously protected by some powerful human organization controlled by Bishop, so now he worked for them. Don hadn’t tried to get a glimpse of what Leo had been looking for, because he’d been too speechless about his brother’s new appearance.

And what about the fact that Leo was now without a shell and fine? It was maybe the most unsettling aspect of their encounter. It wasn’t only the shell and the tail. Leo had fucking regenerated in front of him! Of course, it was only a scratch, but still not a wound that could stop bleeding and close in on itself in two minutes. He must, therefore, be under the influence of a product that helped his cells regenerate so quickly.  Maybe that what was what changed his skin tone. Or maybe not.

Perhaps the Cesar guy wasn’t Leo, but a human, who was being trained and got mutated into a turtle, using Leo's DNA? That could be why Leo didn’t recognize them anymore. But, the DNA could give Leo’s voice and stance and skills!

It was a frigging mystery and after spending all day writing down hypothesises, Donnie threw the notepad away. It was useless. He didn’t have enough data to work with. He couldn’t do more without seeing Leo and talking to him without risking being killed.

Don wasn’t even sure what beach Leo was supposed to be at. Anyway, they were all closed until the end of May. The most probable one was Orchard Beach, the 115 acres, 1.1 mile-long beach that was well hidden and isolated by Pelham Bay Park. Nobody would bother them.

Assuming he found the “Commander.”

The title bugged Don. Being called “Commander” meant leading missions and being obeyed by humans. Leo must be high in Bishop’s esteem.

Which now raised the question: to what degree and how the hell had the man managed to brainwash the ex-leader? What drug could be that powerful?

He censured himself. He wouldn’t think about drugs when a dubious Raphael was glaring at him.

“I’m warning ya, Donnie,” Raphael growled. “Don’t fuck up!” Raph stomped off out of the room.

Don made a calm gesture with his hand and smiled weakly. Of course, he wouldn’t fuck up. The stakes were too high. He wouldn’t lose Leo to their family again.

 

Don had left shortly after that because the beach was so far away. He could be at the beach by 7 p.m. Nobody would be there in mid-December. Maybe not even “Caesar.”

He wondered about the name, as he walked for more than an hour. The reference to a great strategist was apparent, but he wondered if Bishop had picked the name. It made him remember the animal with the same name in Planet of the Apes. This Caesar was also an experiment.

Leo had asked them if they were also experiments, so he was referring to himself as one. He’d talked about Aliens and had seemed to hold a grudge against them. Had Bishop made Leo believe he was some Alien that’d removed his shell after abducting him? But why then had Leo addressed them as “turtles”, like himself?

Leo had said they were also victims, so Leo thought he was one. That was true. Don felt nauseated every time he thought about the horrific chirurgy his brother had gone through.

Donatello had so many questions, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to ask any. Leo had always been secretive and evasive, even when they’d been lovers.

Don climbed out of the neatest manhole to the beach and was very careful to avoid any humans in case had the bad luck to find a drug dealer.

He arrived at the beach and wondered a lot about where exactly he had to go. There were some lit lamp posts and he supposed that Leo would stay in the shadows. He tried to come up with a plan as to how to ask at least two questions to Leo, as he walked along. Then a voice suddenly called to him from the shadows.

“Already here? Eager much?” the voice sneered.

Started, Don turned his head to face Leonardo. No, the Commander, he corrected himself, seeing all the black gear and clothes that Leonardo wore. He couldn’t call him Leo. It was too soon in this new and fragile relationship. The name meant nothing to his lost brother. It’d maybe anger him.

“ I was sure you’ll be the one coming first. I saw the way you looked at me.”

Don wasn’t sure how to respond to Leo’s mockery. He could see the Commander’s sly smile after he sniffed the air in the semi-darkness. Maybe he smelled Don’s fear or his arousal because even if it was uncalled for, he found Leo sexy in clothes and his face was still handsome.

“Follow me now,” the turtle looking like Leo commanded in his usual leader’s voice and Donatello obeyed.

Don followed the Commander through the woods in absolute silence. Where was Leo leading him? To Bishop’s lair? Maybe it was an order from the evil scientist himself. He’d asked his lieutenant to bring him more subjects to experiment on. If it was indeed where they were going, Don couldn’t fight it. He preferred dying, rather than returning without Leonardo or any relevant information.

To his amazement, Leo headed toward the city after a long and silent walk across the park. They arrived behind what looked like a creepy motel.

Leo’s back was to the light, so Donnie couldn’t read his expression.

“We’re here. Don’t worry,” Leo said. “The owner’s a friend. He won’t bother us.” Leo added, showing a plastic card in his hand. “I have a key for the honeymoon suite. It’s my room when I’m off duty.”

Don opened his mouth and then closed it. He hadn’t known that Leo had been leading him to a bedroom. His insides churned, as he thought about what a moment in bed with Leo would be like.

Leo seemed to mistake his expression, because he smiled encouragingly and said, “No one will disturb us. I swear. It’s a crack and whore house. Those junkies won’t mind your screams of pleasure.”

Donatello didn't know what word shocked him the most: junkie or pleasure. Leo had obviously dragged him here to have sex and part of him wanted to sob in happiness. The other part was uneasy. Leo’s flesh wasn’t the only tempting thing at the motel.

“Don’t play hard to get. I can smell your arousal from five miles away,” Leo mocked.

Don shook his head, explaining weakly, “It’s not that. It’s this place…”

The commander frowned in such a Leo manner that Don was shaken. Leonardo always hated being mistrusted and having to say things twice.

“I told you it was fine, but you can leave if you don’t trust me. I won’t kill you,” the ex-leader said, shrugging.

Leo mustn’t be himself anymore, because he’d asked Don to enter a place full of junkies, but what could Don do? He’d lose his ex-lover forever if he turned his back on Leo and walked away. Leo had started striding away when Don called out him, causing Leo to halt.

“Wait!” Don shouted in panic. “I’ll come.”

The commander turned his head slightly, his eyes shining and full of lust.

“I bet you will,” Leo said. “You won't regret it.”

Leo’s voice was full of promises of shared pleasure, but Donnie shivered.  This was too sudden and weird. And Leo wasn’t doing it out of love and the genius didn’t have a clue what about what the ex-leader’s motives were. The so-called Caesar didn’t seem aggressive, but Leo never did something without purpose. Maybe being brainwashed wouldn’t stop him from being his usual scheming self.

So, Don followed him, as docile as a lamb, knowing that his throat would be cut. Even if there were no drugs in this place, Leo being himself was like black tar heroin. Absolutely addicting to the point of losing his mind. It was impossible not to indulge in it, he reasoned, even if he couldn’t afford it. They went behind the motel. Maybe he’d be fine with his other addictions. He wouldn’t meet any dealers if they stayed in their room and he’d only have to deal with the commander.

Leo turned on the light and Donnie glanced around. It wasn’t a trap at least. Well, not one where he’d end up being slain.

Donnie saw a huge bed with a faded red duvet. Once its velveteen surface had been plush and soft, now it was pressed completely flat in patches. The bathroom extended out into the carpeted floor to make room for a large, heart-shaped tub. The carpet had been vacuumed, but no vacuum could pull up all the mold from the years of water splashed onto the floor. A battered sofa and simple set of table and chairs allowed guests to use the cramped corner kitchen. The leader's voice started him.

“Did Donnie is your real name?”

“In fact, is Donatello…Donnie is my nickname…that my brothers give me” Don replied quietly, eating Leonardo from the eyes, to see if there will be some recognition in Leo’s.  But, there stayed blank.

 “Undress. Then, go on the bed. On all four,” Leo commanded, and Donnie did what he had been told, and slowly, removed his oversized hoodie, and kneeled on the mattress, despite being disgusted by the duvet. His heart pounded in his chest, and he was suddenly super aware of his surroundings.

He heard Leo labored breathing, and some noise indicating that Leo was removing his clothes. Then, a hand slaps his rear, and he felt Leo kneeling behind him, his hand malaxing his ass, stretching it to see his puckered hole.  

“What a fine ass you have. I don’t get why I find your tail so alluring,” he said, pinching it, and Don jumped almost out of his shell. Leonardo’s hands were all over him, stroking his carapace.

“You’re such a successful experiment. I mean, I happy they don’t finish me, but this shell…it had an inexplicable appeal.”

Don said nothing, proceeding. He regretted to not being in the position to graph his T-Phone, to take notes of what Leo could reveal.

“How do you manage to escape?” Leo asked. “They are hard to deceive.”

Donatello wondered about the answer to give. Obviously, Leo still thought that Alien had abducted Donnie to experiment on him. But, it was in vain, because Leo whispered.

“It would be a tale for another time. I’m not here to talk.”

By reflex, Don turned his head to look at Leo, to have a hint of what the ex-leader mean, but harshly the Commander push his head back on the pillow.

“Never look at me!” he hissed.

He took Donnie’s hand, and tied them together behind his neck, in some inextricable knots, in a way that Donatello could raise his head, anymore

“Coming here, you didn’t know what you have signed up for.” Leo affirmed, his hand groping him again and with a sting in the heart, Donatello remembered the word Leo used the first time they made love “Don’t worry, I’m a great lover.  I’m not allowed to have intercourse with a male specimen, and even with a person out of the base, but you worth disobedience.  There won’t have any consequence of our mating.”

Leo’s hand trailed up, on his thing, and his finger circled his entrance. It was wet, probably with spit, and so he stings when Leo pushed his finger in, getting him out of his train of thought about who were Leo’s other lovers.

“So tight…. I will try to hold back, but I make no promise…you will feel me all week.”

Donatello’s insides churned at the statement. Any souvenir of Leo, remembering him that the leader was somewhere, alive, was good to take.

 “ But, I’m not an abuser. Do you want this?” Leo asked, and Donatello could tell, that Leonardo knew already his answer and it was pure rhetoric. Not wanting to break the spell, not trusting his voice, he moved his hips, just a little bit, taking Leo deeper. He heard a low chuckle.

“Well, you asked for it. Don’t complain to be sore, after,” he said, and Don could almost see his smirk, behind his closed eyelid. He heard the sound of a popped cap lube bottle and braced himself.

Leo aligned his cock and pushed it, until the half, and Donnie can’t hold a howl of pain and surprise, despite being ready.

“Calm down. I won’t move”

Leo’s cock was hard, hot, and Don could feel each pulsation of it.

“I always bring my partner to pleasure first,” he boasted.

As he was only the Commander’s puppet, Donnie dropped down in the waiting hand.

“Good boy. Now, just trust me and wait for my order.”

Ashamed, Don realized that he won’t hold back very long. He felt his cock heavy in Leonardo’ expert hand, and the urge to just cum, and collapse was too great.

Leo’s wrist moved faster, and he pushed in a little more, and Donnie was already broking apart, while the order left the lips of his partner.

He was still shaking of the sensory overload, when, Leo pushed to the hilt, and begin a crazy pace.

Don feel like he was being fucked by a jackhammer and bit his lips and the inside of his check to not cry aloud and attract human attention. Leo had always been a rough and demanding lover, but this was insanity. Each strike was so strong that Don could swear that Leo was doing him permanent brain damage.

“You feel amazing…” he praised, giving a trust so right, that a churr escaped Donnie. He didn’t have made this sound since age and was himself startled by it.

“Do that again…This sound,” Leo almost pleaded, trusting as a lunatic, trying to repeat the same move that made Donnie churr. Leo’s voice compelling him, Don churred again, and Leo replied with one of his own.

It was irrelevant, and he didn’t understand how he could have still an analytic mind, but suddenly he understand why Leo was fucking him even more mercilessly than usual. The carapace prevents them to gyrate their hips. Leo now could move his loins, all the way he wants, and give powerful trusts to broke the bed.

“Do…Donnie…” Leo yelled just before climax took him, and Don almost cum a second time to hear his name say in such a wanton tone. It was like the real Leo, when he was claiming Donnie as his, in his bedroom of the lair. Maybe, maybe sex had cleared Leo’s mind, and now he was cured of his amnesia or whatever he had.

Then, Leo collapsed on him, and Don listened to his partner’ s erratic breath. He felt numb, as after a good morphine shot, and light headed. His train of thought was lazy, and all he could think of was how an amazing feeling it was. It was pure bliss, and for once since a long time, he felt alive and happy to be.

After a too short moment, the Commander get out of the bed.

“It was…good…” he said, “Let me shower, dress, and I untied you.”

Donatello waited, patiently, hearing the water running, taking note of how he was thirsty, sticky, and sore. Ten minutes later, he heard Leo came back, and dress, before untying him as promised.

His lover was now dressed in this black leather pants and his tank top, not having put the jacket already.

“Now, you can go. Do you need that I escort you?” Leo asked, with indifference, arranging his black wristband.

Don opened his eyes. Has he had been dismissed already? But he had learned nothing! And he couldn’t accept an escort to his home, and maybe put Raph and Mikey in danger. It was maybe a trap.

And he couldn't stand to be sent away, in the dark, just after having found his other-half again. Leo himself had called him like that? How he couldn't remember him?

“Why are you crying? Did you not have a great time?”

Don was about to deny crying when he touched his own cheek. Indeed, it was wet.

“ I…I don’t need an escort…but please. Let me stay with you a little longer…Just that I can hug you…I didn’t even touch you…” he pleaded.

Leonardo frowned.

“Why? I can’t stay. I’m a commander. I have duties. And, I won’t forget them for such trivial thing as cuddle. I’m already late. And nobody touches me.”

Now, Don was really sobbing in the most pitiful manner he could remember. He suddenly felt as naive and weak as Lady Butterfly. Leo was his fake husband, using only his Japanese spouse to have a great time, while he was in Japan, but craving to have his real wife in the United States. The girl had let the man fled away, and when he had comes back, she was hanging-out to a rope. Leo couldn't leave and disappear so soon.  the sex has been great, but still, it's lacked love, and the hunger had awakened inside Donnie.

“Please. Hug me. I need to feel your arms. That you are there…”

If he could be in the leader's arm, all will be fine. Five minutes in a real hug and maybe a kiss, and Don would have fuel to fake being normal and functioning a week. 

“You had felt me while one hour," Leo retorted. "Stop crying. It’s nonsense, and you kill my mood. I was about to propose to meet you again, but if you are to be such a crybaby, I rather prefer one of the others like you. The red one seemed fun and challenging.” He said, his eyes narrowing, each blue chip of his eyes cold as an iceberg.

Of course, even not in his mind, Leo would still prefer Raph to him, and the realization hurt him. He knew that he had implicitly promised to Raph to heal Leo and leave him to Raphael, but the moment of passion had ignited a familiar fire in him.  While he still could, he would take it.

“I’m sorry.” Don apologized, wiping his eyes from the back of his hand.” I won’t cry anymore, and ask for a cuddle, but please, let’s meet again.”

Don knew he was pathetic, but he didn't care. He needed this so much. It was that or morphine, or he could die without giving a fuck.

Leo kept a cautious poker face.

“I’m not sure. I don’t even know why I risked to meet you once. I have plenty of compliant sex partner. I don’t need you.”

Donatello’s brain kicked in, noticing how Leo’s tone was defensive. Leonardo was attracted to him, to them, at least, and had mixed feelings about it.  Maybe after a few others intercourse, Leo’s wall would crumble enough for Don to find a solution. He had learned that Leo had some female and willing sex partner. It wasn’t the information that Donnie was craving to know, but it was still something.

“ You need me because I’m the part of yourself that you’ll never know,” Don replied softly. His mind told him that the correct sentence was the part that Leo had lost because of him but stayed quiet.

Leo stared at him intensely, his eyes as sharp as razor blade.

“Maybe…I’ll think about it, and if I’m bored, I’ll be at the beach again. If in one week from now, you didn’t see me, never cross my path, again. I mean it.”

How suddenly Leo was threatening was unnerving, but Don kept a straight face. Leo was defiant and it was to expect. He would do all that Leo wanted, and crawl on his stomach, but he needed it. He won’t ever let Leo go again. He won’t allow it, and their family either.

“I’ll be waiting for you.”

 

 


	4. Art by Salemmush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who were wondering what Caesar/Leo and Donnie looked like...You have to slide the cursor to have the full view

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently writing the next chapter. Must be posted Thursday.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta

When Donnie had come back to the lair, his brothers were up, waiting for his return. Of course, they were waiting for him, and Don blessed his cautious nature who had given him the idea of showering, after Leo’s departure. Donnie didn’t need that Raph smells his ex-lover scent on him. Anyway, Leo didn't smell the same than before; his odor was sweeter now, his breath scenting like honey. But he preferred to be careful and not exciting his brother potential jealousy. All his way home, he had wondered what he was going to tell to his brothers, mainly Raphael, so upset about their eldest brother’s condition. He could not lie, because he had sworn never lying to his brothers anymore, but he could not tell the truth either. The truth being that he had been fucked senseless, without having made progress on their other points, really.  He had gained some pieces of information, but nothing requiring more than three sentences to made his report. He could fill the void with some hypothesis, but explaining HOW he had acquired all of these bits of knowledge, would be a tricky tale to tell.

This situation was a dead-end.

He had then opted for a kind of middle-ground, not entirely sure if his brothers would buy it.

“So,” asked Mikey the first, handing him a mug of coffee “Did you see Leo? How was he?”

Donatello accepted the mug gratefully. He had been a tiresome evening, and even just walking back home had been painful. Leonardo was right. Donnie would feel it a week.

“Yes. I saw him,” the genius replied in a quiet voice, taking a sip. Even if he was trying to not exciting Raph’s fury, his calm demeanor was in vain. Raphael rushed over him.

“You saw Fearless? What did he say? Did he remember ya? Did he remember me?”

Donatello hated disappointing his brothers, but he decided to be honest. He shook his head.

“No. He still doesn’t remember a thing about us,” he admitted, biting his lips, seeing how Raph and Mikey was soul crushed by his answer. He tried to lightning their mood and give them a piece of hope to cling on.

“But, I managed to learn some information from him. Maybe after two or three more encounters…”

Raphael violently interposed

“Nah! Ya won’t! I will! You didn’t get any shit from him!” Raph snapped, despite Mikey trying to calm him down and to reason with him that Leonardo seemed to thrust Donnie, and that changing of emissary will mix the ex-leader up.

Suddenly, the realization crashed on Donatello. All of the success of this operation was on him. He could let Raph go, and see by himself if Leo would be more willing to tell about his life to him. So, if Raph failed, he would stop blaming Donatello. But, it was unlikely that Raph succeeds, at least, not as quickly that the hot head hoped so. The commander was defiant and volatile at best. Raph lacked the diplomatic attitude and the compliance mandatory to interact with this Caesar that only Donnie had. Even Mikey was too impulsive and emotional, to be passive as it needed to be with the Commander.  And besides, Don, despite it was selfish as fuck in these circumstances, wanted to be the one saving Leo from this probably hellish situation where evil man manipulated him. Of course, having sex with Leo again would be great, but he wasn’t doing it for this purpose.

It was only about repentance and saving his soul.

“Raph, please. I need to do this. I...need to know that I’m still able to fix something,” he pleaded. “In this place...that he brought me, there were...drugs, and...I didn’t try to sneak away to take any. Because Leo’s rehabilitation is important to me, as regaining your trust..”

Mikey threw a heavy look to the hot head, and Raph sighed.

“I guess ya still could try another time…” he muttered, avoiding his brother’s glare, because of his hesitation.

Donnie made an encouraging smile.

“Thank you, Raph, for your faith. I won’t disappoint you,” he said, with sincerity.

Raphael grumbled, but Donnie didn’t mind it. He gets that his brother was badly upset and that he had deserved to raise doubt about being efficient.

They asked him some questions about what Leo had said, and Donnie told the truth while failing to reveal under what circumstances he had managed to get all this information. Anyway, he had learned very little. Leo when he wasn’t on a mission, had a hotel room on the surface, and the owner was a “friend” His position in this unknown organization seemed important. He wasn't sure if the fact that Leo was mating with many female partners was relevant. Donatello preferred not to rub salt on Raph’s wound and didn't mention the fact.

Raphael mumbled again that Donatello had learned shit.

“I think...I’m not sure, but Leo or Caesar now, seem to think that he is not a mutant turtle. That he was something else, and that Aliens abducted him to made experiment and gave him...his current appearance. He told me about how I was a successful experiment, even if he was glad not having been finished. I think that Leo...believe he has been maybe a human and, maybe he thinks that Bishop saved him...I don’t know. But what it is clear to me, is that he doesn't seem himself as a mutant or a turtle, and he is looking to avenge himself for his "transformation.” in a green mutant," he stated.

“But what about this crazy shit, Don?”

Raph didn't have to go into the detail. Donatello knew very well what he meant.

“He didn’t give specific information about his physical condition,” he admitted. “But, it’s my next investigation goal.”

Raph said nothing, except about uttering a groan of frustration. The youngest brother pats him on the shell. A gesture that Michelangelo made often, but that he won't be able to do to Leonardo, anymore, Donnie thought, swallowing hard.

“Maybe we should sleep. It’s almost four in the morning,” Mikey suggested. Not sleeping won’t made Leo’s situation any better. Dee need all his mental abilities to face Leo again.”

Raph shrugged but stood up.

“I’m going to have a little cool-down moment, in the Dojo.”

His cool down moment was probably to beat the crap out the practice dummy, but no one commented.

Donatello took two sleeping pills, from the bathroom cabinet, while Mikey washed his teeth, next to him, and he went to bed. It was only after a moment that he noticed that his brothers, neither Mikey or Raph, had followed him. He tried to not being overly excited by this fact. Maybe one of them would enter at any moment. But, after a while, when the pills were about to make their full effect, he heard Raph’s snores from the other side of the wall and realized that Mikey must be asleep as well.

Even if he didn’t deserve yet, he had regained a little of his brother's trust

All his night was filled with erotic fantasies starring Leo in his commander outfit. When he woke up, in the middle of the day, still alone, he took the opportunity of this so rare privacy, to touch himself. It had been a while. As his fingers traced down his plastron, a sharp shiver went down his spine as his aching cock slipped out. Down there, it was a slippery mess peering out from underneath the covers. While Leo’s absence, and before that, when he was always high, it was like his body had fallen in winter sleep. Now, all his senses were back, and he was aware of how his body was sensitive and needy, only because he had felt again Leo’s hand and lustful look on him.

Even if it was pathetic, he loved how much Leo could be driven by sex and dominant. To a busy mind as Donatello’s was, it was a refreshing release, to not have to think at all, and only let his body respond naturally. If he weren’t all the time in an angst crisis, he would do more in-depth research about why mating with a dominant partner was filling him with ease and contentment. It must have a scientific reason for that.

He could fill his mind with white noises; he didn’t prevent to have an arching-back-climax in five minutes top.

After that, lying in a sweaty mess, guilt crept into his mind. How could he think that way about Leo, again? After all, Leo had gone through because of him? And what about Raph, who had been so supportive eight-months straight, and was still so obviously in love with him?

Yes, Raph since yesterday was harsh and a jerk, but that doesn't erase all the good things that the turtle in red did for him in the last months. 

At the beginning of his feelings for Leo, he could argue not knowing about those of Raphael, and then, being innocent in his courtship. But now he was perfectly aware that the hothead had never stopped to love Leonardo.

And Raph deserved Leo so more than him.

And still, he had just jerked off about his lost brother, thinking back about their last encounter, an encounter that he hadn’t told any detail of to his brothers. Because Donatello was such a lying son of a bitch.

He had just tried to comfort Raph when he was still just longing to see Leo again in this shabby honeymoon suite, and to feel his touch, lingering on his tattooed skin. Just the idea made him bite his lips in wanton.

He still loved Leo, too, and so damn much. Of course, he was still in love with him. Leo had done everything possible to have his image printed forever in Don’s psyche. His confession of love, his valorous behavior, the day of his capture had undone Donnie more than the hard sex that they had in the tunnel.  

He closed his eyes, his memory replaying all his past sweet and hot moments with his eldest brother. From their childhood to the day of Leo’s abduction.

Leonardo this day, had given to him the ultimate love proof, sacrificing himself to save Donnie’s dumb junkies ass. And he had suffered so much trauma and horrific experiment as payback.

Suddenly, he knew what he will do, and feverish, he stood up to wipe-off the sperm from his plastron.

He would use his supposed big brain to find a way to break Leo’s new wall. To achieve it, he would give him his body, to gain the Commander’s trust.

And then... he will match Leo and Raph back together. Raphael would have never let Leo being captured. The Fearless leader deserved a worthy mate, strong and loyal.

Raph will be able to take care of Leo, as the leader deserved. Raphael didn’t have all the flaw as he had. He would be a better match for Leonardo.

To the hell with his own feelings, he thought. It was still better than what Donatello worthed. What he deserved was a death by a contaminated syringe or a sordid death by overdose. Even that would be too sweet, compared to the pain endured by Leonardo.

Excited, he wrote down his plan, to bring back the leader to home. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you see a way that I could have written this better, please let me know because I'm trying to improve my English writing


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta

Donatello had to wait a full week, before seeing Commander Caesar, again. He hesitated a long time, each night, wondering if it won't be better to go directly to the motel.  Leo was maybe there, and his mind pictured many scenarios, tempting him, to go there and check. The jealous lover part of himself was imagining Leo fucking another unknown lover, while his inner junkie was whispering to him that opiate would be also there. His brothers were now trusting him, and he was sure to not having been followed. He could, and the fact that Leo wasn't there, too busy with someone or something, would be less upsetting. After all, if the owner was a friend to a mutant as Leo was, seeing Donnie in full light won’t disturb him that much. Fuck the stealthiness! After a moment of enthusiasm, following his decision to give Leo back to Raph, where is belong, he had been hit in the full face by depression again.  
  
The last day, alone on the beach and shivering under his trenchcoat, he was about to crack and go to the motel, whatever it was for, when he heard the cocky voice.  
  
“I bet you had missed me? Am I right?”  
  
Donatello turned his head quickly at the sound of the voice, his eyes shining with hope. He was about to call him Leo, but when he took a step closer, a moonbeam lit up the newcomer. He was all in black, and the only thing Don could perceive was the flash of the mocking smile and the hilt of the katana strapped behind the commander's back. It wasn’t Leo, his eldest brother, but the foreign Caesar, only there to have his way with him and dismiss him right after. He gulped at the memory of their last encounter and how hard Leo had shoved his cock into him. But he could afford to let himself be distracted by the seductive manner of this new version of his brother. He was on a mission, a redemption mission.  
  
“Yes, Commander” he whispered, his head lowered. “I had missed you.”  
  
It was indeed true, and he knew that Leo would appreciate this honestly.  
  
“Well,” Leonardo shrugged, his coat over his shoulder adding at his arrogant demeanor. “So what are we waiting for? Follow my lead”, he said, turning his back to head toward the motel, probably, and Don insides churned hearing the word “lead.” What he must find out was had caused his brother’ amnesia before he became mad to try to guess it.  
  
In any case, even if he didn’t remember him, Leo seemed plenty aware that he had nothing to fear from Donatello. The Commander had his back to him, all the way, as it was from him another way to provoke Donnie’s trouble. But of course, a being having his spine torn off from him and still alive won’t be worried to have a sucker as Donatello, all bone and a supposed brain, no even armed, behind him. Leonardo was walking at a normal pace, not nervous at all or even bothered to maybe be surprised by a human.  
  
So, Donatello was startled when, after having open the door with his card-key, and closed it behind them, he found himself having Leo’s katana against his carotid.  
  
“Who are you? I spend the week, searching in the database. There no turtle’s case reported. Why have you my file number all over you?” he hissed, his blazing blues eyes threatening.  
  
Donatello swallowed hard, and the blade cut him a little doing so. Of course, he had expected that Leo, eventually would question him about these so much apparent numbers. But it wasn’t prepared for such a brutal attack. He couldn’t lie. Leo would know it and behead him in one smooth shot.  
  
“I was there… when they dragged you away, unconscious.”  
He didn’t even know who was supposed to be “they” exactly, only that Leo referred to them and despite them a lot. It was a daring omission of the truth, but he saw by Leo’s glistening eyes that he was on a good way.  
  
“So? What my fate was for you? Did you know me before they abducted me?” Leo urged, pressing harder his sword and Don didn’t feel the sting, his brain working overtime. Did he know the Commander before? It was a tricky question. His answer must be right, but cautious. Leo wasn’t ready for all the truth, now. He still trusted this Bishop. He will believe his superior rather than an unknown freak as Donnie was probably for him. Leo was so close, that he probably could feel each time his heart pumped blood toward the carotid. He couldn’t lie, Leo will find out immediately.  
  
“ We were...lovers,” Don said, and the words evade him, even before his brain had created a credible other reason. “I loved you, and I was helpless to prevent them to take you away from me. So,...” he confessed mournfully.  
  
“ Lies!” Leo snarled, and Don believed it was this, he would die there, but it was at Leo was too outraged to be lied to, to punish him right away,  
  
“How dare you lie to me when I have my sword on your neck?” the Commander snarled.  
  
“It’s not a lie,” Don replied quietly even if he was trembling with fear, “They drugged you with a dart, and I was tied to the beam of my lab. They expected that I would die there, and so pay me no mind when they tagged you. Since then, I devoted my life to your rescue, and have your number on me as a reminder to...stay strong for you.”  
  
Leo took a step back, lowering his katana finally while the new information was sinking in.  He wasn't mad, but confused and still mistrusting him apparently. He began pacing in such Leonardo’s manner, and Donnie stayed still, watching Leo tried to unravel the truth as when he was elaborating war strategies in the lair or knowing where Raphael had stayed the night. With fascination, he observed how Leo, slowly but certainly, was reaching his boiling point, as when Raphael was obviously lying to him about where he has been.  
  
“I don’t believe you! I was too in love with my wife to be an unfaithful husband!” Leo bellowed, before rushing over him, and Don was too astonished to react further to Leo shaking him.  
  
A wife? Did Leo believe that he had been married? With a woman?Obviously, yes, but what about this fake spouse? Where was she supposed to be, now? Leo was talking about her in the past tense. Did she was supposed to have left him? Or...  
  
He couldn’t confront Leo directly about this, not when the usually controlled ex-Leader was so furious. He smelled Leo's breath, his mouth was so close to his own. The scent reminded him of the sweet aroma of honey, like the sickened breath of diabetic humans. But Leo didn't have diabetes. Maybe it had something to do with his diet.Or...maybe he wasn’t entirely his brother, but a creature formed with his DNA. Many hypotheses were turning in a circle in his head. But Leo was still pressing him of questions and to calm him down, and he replied the only thing he could, without further distress the ex-leader.  
  
“I didn’t know you were married. You never mentioned her to me…”  
  
Donatello lack of aggressiveness an obvious pain made a number on Leo’s belligerent attitude and, after sheathing his katana, the leader stepped back, to sit down on the bed.  
  
“No matter...I guess.” Caesar answered, with a hint of sadness in his tone. “I don’t remember her, either… I had just a photo, now…”  
  
Donatello raised his hand in a gesture to see whatever photo Leo could have of this supposed wife. Maybe seeing her would give him a hint of what Leo was believing has been.  
  
But the gesture annoyed the ex-leader and Leo stood up, walking away from the bed and from Donatello, a dark expression on his features,   
  
“Undress. We are no here to talk!” he commanded harshly, and Donatello obeyed. Leo didn’t want apparently to think further about his supposed wife. Obviously, her memory was bringing him sorrow and Don was mad at the idea that Leo was suffering from the absence of someone who probably never existed.

Donnie didn’t have expected sex to happen so fast, but he knew that it would happen. The scientist had just hoped to have more time to gain more information. Anyway, it wasn’t as he was in a posture to say no. The connection between him and the Commander was so thin, almost nonexistent that he could jeopardize the little trust Leo gave him by playing hard to get. Besides, who he was kidding? He craved Leo’s sensual touches.  Raph would forgive him to have some quality-time with Leo when it was for the sake of Leo and Raph’s relationship, anyway.

So, he took the same position than the last time, on all fours, face hidden in the fabric of the pillow. But the greedy hands weren't on him as the last time.  Leo didn't even seem to have come closer, but Donatello knew out of instinct that he couldn't raise his head to look at him. Donnie still remembers how Leonardo had expressly forbidden him to look at him. Probably Leo was ashamed of his own body. Angered him would do no good, so he tried to stay patient. It wasn’t more difficult than waiting for the results of an experiment, except that he felt like, it was the other way around and he was the experiment, this time.

“I saw you waiting for me, night, after night, on the beach. I need to know why you are so persistent,” The Commander asked, after a rather long silence.

Donatello didn’t point out that Leo had just said ten minutes ago that he wasn’t there to talk. It wasn’t the time to play the smartass, and he replied.

“I told you. We were lovers and…”

“How do you recognize me, then? I know I had changed,” Leonardo snapped.

Donatello was very tempted to disobeyed and look his brother in the eyes to know WHAT Leo mean when he said that he knew has changed. What Leo was thinking he was before was still unclear to him.

It was alienating to find an answer who could fit with the tale Bishop told him. He couldn’t even call him by his real name! But Donnie couldn’t change his version of past lover, it was too late for that, neither tell the naked truth. He wasn’t sure what Leo was thinking he was before, and so he didn’t want to hurt him too badly in his beliefs, and suddenly, an idea came to him. This part of Leo didn’t have changed at all, and maybe he would be able to kill two birds with one stone.

“Your eyes...They won’t ever change...Do you remember…

 _"Your blue eyes like two blueberries_ _  
_ _  
_ _Follow me in the faded grass_ _  
_ _  
_ _And near the lake with slender reeds_ _  
_ _  
_ _Where the messy breeze_ _  
_  
_Dancing_ _minuets,"_

he declared, his voice so strangled by emotion, that the last rhyme was only a squeak.  If there were some Leo still in the cold envelope of the Commander, he would remember all the tragic and stirring moment that this poem was referring to.

Once again, he struggled with the urge to look the impact his words had made on Leo, but he didn’t dare to risk to fuck-it up.

But he heard a slight hitch in the Commander breathing. But maybe his mind was playing him, too.

“Well, if it is true, tell me things that only a real lover could know about me?” Leo asked, on the defensive, and Donnie knew that he had hit a nerve with the poem only by Leonardo’ voice. Maybe Leo didn’t remember consciously the poem, but he seemed touched by it, anyway.

“Hum…” Don had a hesitation. He knew Leonardo Hamato, his brother, as the back of his hand. The time of his absence could have been tenfold longer, he couldn't forget any of Leo’s taste and personality. He knew him as a leader, a friend, and a lover too. He knew all the possible thing to say, but what if all of what he knew didn’t exist anymore? How if Bishop had managed to reprogram even his favorite books? What if Leo didn’t love tea, anymore, preferring coffee? What about….

He can’t afford panic, so he blurted the truth.

“You are an early bird. You like to begin the day with one hour of meditation. Sandalwood is your favorite incense. You love to have Earl Grey tea, as first tea in the morning. When I was making it for you, I had already told you that your eyes were the same hue of the bergamot flowers in it. You love training and polishing your katanas always relax you. Your favorite book is “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu. You like to eat…”

“Stop!”

Leo’s order snapped as a whip.

“I’m not in the mood, anymore. Get dress and go away.”

Heart pounding, Donnie slowly moved, stretching languidly to take the trenchcoat, hoping to give Leo the time to change his mind. He turned toward him, knowing that Leonardo was still dressed and so, won’t be mad if he looks at him, at least, quickly, Did he had gave wrong answers? Probably not, because Leo had still his katana strapped.

But Donnie was now fully dressed, and Leo didn’t appear in a horny mood at all, yet.

“I don’t know who you are...What was your name, already?”

Donatello knew that the question wasn’t genuine. Forgetting a name wasn’t the ex-leader at all, but he answered anyway and he dared to look fully at him, to study Caesar's expression.

“Donnie”

Leo’s face twisted and the Commander was now holding his forehead like he was suffering from a terrible migraine.

Don couldn't help himself and, in one wide stride he was on him and reached the leader’s hand.

Leo snapped the hand away,

“Don’t!”

But Donatello had dealt enough in his life with an injured Raph to know that for what it was: stubbornness and defensive mechanism.

“Let me help you. I’m a medic. You seem in pain,” he insisted, touching the forehead of his brother. The skin was dead cold and Don was immediately concerned, in full doctor mood. “Lay down, please.”

But the so-called Caesar grabbed his wrist and held it tight.

“I’m fine. I just need to take my medicine. I forgot my dose before heading toward the beach. So I must good back to the base for my injection. You can’t take care of me. Only Bishop or some very great scientists could,” he sneered.

Donnie didn’t insist but it was, indeed a big revelation. Leo was injected with a chemical affecting maybe his memory, but giving him the regenerative ability, or something like that. Maybe if he could get a sample from his brother, like blood or sperm, he could analyze it. Then, maybe make an antidote or find another way to help him.

“Stop faking care for me, go away, and never come back…” he hissed, “Anyway, I didn’t need more freaks in my life”

It was only a cheap insult and Don didn’t pay it any mind. Leo was obviously in bad shape, and so, was nervous, even more, if Don had succeeded to make him doubting about what he believed was real. But Donatello, distressed at the idea of losing Leo again, lose it and go his last resort, falling on his knee.

“I don’t fake. I’m still madly in love with you., whatever you think you are a freak or not. Please, if I had upset you, forgive me. I’m so happy to see you again after such a long time...Please, I need you.If you don’t believe me, I can prove it to you. I have pictures, objects…”

He was crying again and trembling, and he knew that Leo would probably kick his sorry butt out of his honeymoon suite in the next instant, exasperated by his pathetic sobs.Where was his brain when he needed it! He must find something convincing Leo to say with him, now! If he loses the opportunity, his brothers won't ever forgive him and he won’t forgive himself.

By impulse, he stands up and he pressed his lips to Leo’s, putting in the kiss all his love, and despair. The Commander stayed as stiff in his arms as an iron statue and didn’t open his lips, but Leo didn’t push him away, and so the kiss had for Donnie the sweet taste of the victory.  He broke the kiss by himself after a while and looking at him straight in the eyes he whispered.

“I love you”

Leo took a step back and with a softer voice than before, said

“Perhaps it’s true that I already know you before. I admit that I felt drawn toward you, in a way that I can’t explain to myself. It’s the reason I take so much risk meeting you.”

Don who was looking fondly at Leo, his drool still on his chin, startled at the ‘risk’ mention, and take Leo’s hand, kissing it passionately.

“What you mean by risks?” he asked in deep worry

Leo shook his head.

“I must go…”

Leo turned his back, talking at Donnie without looking at him, and the genius guessed that his brother was maybe ill, but mostly confused, and wanted to be alone to think.

“Here,” Leo said, the hand on the doorknob. I leave you a key for this place, to not let you freeze outside, waiting for me, for nothing. I will be there Wednesday, but I can’t tell an hour for sure. Stay there, you won’t be bothered. But I want the proof you told me about. If I find out that you lied to me, I will kill you.”

And after this last threat, Leo leave Donatello alone, stunned. Proofs that they were lovers were easy to get, he mused, looking at the white plastic card, standing out on the red duvet. The color reminds him of another sibling, and he sighed. Raph was supposed to be Leo’s lover, not him.  He had sworn to himself to bring back his brothers together because he was unworthy of Leonardo and to feel mere happiness. Raphael was a better choice, a more deserving brother, and the best protector for Leonardo. Once again, he had stolen Raph’s place. He was so a bastard, he thought, full of self-loathe, all his way home.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The voting period has begun for the Reader's Choice Awards! Go vote for your favorites stories being nominated!
> 
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	7. Kira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wanted it? Here you go.

They hadn’t asked questions when Donnie had returned. It was useless anyway because the genius had seen it in their gazes, as well as the disappointment when they noticed no other turtle was following him. This sight had crushed his tormented soul even more.

“He’s not ready to talk,” Donnie had mumbled, “but he will be soon. There still hope.”

The following days he had been too busy processing and analyzing the little pieces of information he had, and for the first time in a long time, he hadn’t thought about morphine at all.

But then came Wednesday night.

Donnie was sitting on his bed, fiddling with the plastic card between his fingers. Leo had given him a kind of official date, but it had more chance of ending pretty badly, with a tombstone, rather than in bliss, on a bed of roses.

Donatello was supposed to give the Commander the proof that they were past lovers, or at least that he had known Leonardo very well for a long time. There were plenty pictures of Leonardo and him, with their other siblings, but he could not use any of them; in all of them Leo had a shell and he was without his tattooed numbers and so, they would clash too harshly with what Leo currently believed.

Leonardo had been deeply traumatized and needed to learn the truth very slowly and with great care. His brother had already suffered too much thanks to Don’s reckless attitude. 

With tenderness, he brushed his finger over the one picture he had of him and Leo as a couple, looking fondly at the eldest’s expression. They had been real lovers for such a short time and so, it was the only picture with both of them so close. Thankfully he’d had time to develop the photograph before having his T-phone seized for months.

Donatello had hid this picture under his pillow for months, unable to look at it while always watched by either Raph or Mikey; he didn’t want to distress his remaining brothers more by looking at it in front of them. Knowing it was just under his head brought him comfort and despair all at once, giving him dreams of regret and longing.

If he needed to convince this Caesar that they were ex-mates, it would be the best photo. Their intimacy was obvious in the selfie, Don having a dorky smile, half-hidden in Leo’s neck, and Leo grinning, with sparkles in his blue eyes, looking happy. The picture had been taken close-up, and therefore, it was the only one in which their bodies were not visible. The only thing that would be different to the new Commander, was the blue bandana tied on his face.  

Yes, this picture would be convincing, but what after that? In the best scenario, Leo would believe him and follow him to the lair, but then, what would Raph will say?

Raphael deserved Leo so much more than him!

Don bit his lip, weighing the consequences, and after debating with himself for almost twenty minutes, he decided the real priority was to gain Leo’s trust, and to bring him back when Leo was ready to know the entire truth. So, he put the selfie in the pocket of his hoodie and went to met his ex-lover.

It was only when he was less than one mile away from the motel that the thought of drugs crept into his mind.

Leonardo had specified that he could not give a definite time of arrival, and so he would be there at a moment that fit in with his mysterious schedule. Donnie was supposed to wait for Leo, all night long, if necessary and Don mentally questioned whether Leo’s new position as a high-ranking officer among humans had not made him even smugger than he was already.

The fact was that as Don mused over what he could do while waiting for him, his rebellious thoughts, of course, drew him toward morphine again.

He could not. He would not, he swore as he swiped the card quickly in front of the electric lock on the motel room door. He looked nervously from side to side, to see if anyone could see him. Indeed, this place was a good one, because there were not many people near the shady motel.

The door unlocked and he hurried into the room, eager to disappear from sight. He had been trained to be cautious and to stay in the shadows for too long to let his guard down, and it was another surprising fact about the new Leonardo, who seemed careless on this matter.

But if Leo could regenerate, as it appeared he could, and have human soldiers under his command, he probably found such discretion useless, big shot that he now was.

He turned on the light, having searched in the dark to find the switch, and was unsurprised to find the room empty.

Earlier that afternoon, he had wondered if this might be a trap or if Leo, finding him too annoying, had decided to wait in the dark and behead him for good. But, having no other choice, Donatello had opted to come alone anyway.

Maybe it was a test, and if it was, he was determined to pass it.

Still quivering from all the emotions he felt, he scanned the room, looking for any hint of Leo’s presence. His eldest brother had said that this place was where he slept when he was ‘off duty’, whatever it was that his job was, and so Don supposed he might be able to search for some evidence of Leonardo’s new life. According to the so-called Caesar, he must be there rather often, and therefore, he must leave some belongings there.

Donatello wondered what would happen if the Commander caught him rummaging his suite. His ex-lover had always been the more sneaky of them, when he wanted to be, and so, it was very likely that Leonardo would manage to surprise him, catching him ransacking his drawers, but it was something to do, something to put his mind off from morphine; and maybe he would find something very telling.

It was a chance to take, but Don could see more advantages than cons, so long as he was quick and effective. Anyway, there were very few pieces of furniture for him to search.  

His first pick was the bedside table because it was the most obvious place to put meaningful things. At first, with disappointment, he saw only a Bible, with a worn red-leather, cartooned cover. Absentmindedly he picked it up, quickly flipping through the book, when something fell from it, on to the dusty floor.

His heart pounding, Donnie bent over to look at the object and his breath caught in his throat.

It was a picture of a beautiful woman and Don, still gaping from the shock, could not believe this. If this was Leo’s supposed spouse, Bishop was maybe less clever than Don had feared.

He felt for the first time a real hope to cling to, in front of this mistake from his enemy. Because the woman could not be Leonardo’s wife, for the good reason that she was Marion Cotillard, a French actress. Don didn’t know much about her life, given he wasn’t one for reading gossip magazines, but he knew for sure she had never been engaged to a mutant turtle.

It was indeed an easy lie to prove, making Donatello’s job much easier than he had first thought.

But, as he was replacing the picture carefully into the book, he mused if it was indeed a photography that Leo had put there. Leonardo had never been into Christianity, and maybe another guest, having a crush on the actress, had put it there, as inspiration to jerk off over. It was indeed possible, but Don’s gut was telling him otherwise.

The rest of his search was not so successful, but he refused to let it discourage him. There were a few objects, but merely for hygiene: soap, toothpaste, and with a pinch in his heart, he noticed the used lube bottle.

In the kitchen corner, there was a box with tea bags, but it wasn’t the kind of tea his brother usually drank. It was not traditional Japanese tea, but an American brand with some funky flavor like raspberry lemonade that the eldest would have considered a heresy, before.

In the wardrobe, Donnie found some clothes, all black, hanging, and on the little kitchen table, there were two books. There was ‘War of Worlds’, a science-fiction novel, and Don wondered if it was connected to Leonardo’s new hatred of aliens. The other one, titled ‘Passage’, was unknown to Donatello but it was apparently science-fiction too. Neither were at all in Leo’s usual taste.

The doubt that it was really his brother who had come back was once again nagging at Don.

He wondered what time it was, and grabbed his T-Phone. It was another step showing that he was on the path of redemption. Since their meeting with Ceasar, he had it with him again and it was good feeling it in his hand.

It was only 10:30 pm, and so, Leonardo might not show up for hours. What was Donnie supposed to do? Maybe there was a good movie on TV. Out of instinct, he looked toward the wall in front of the bed and then, had a shock.

There was no television in this motel room!

How could it be? Motel’s guests were supposed to watch porn movies. The main purpose of renting a room in a place like this was to have sex with an illegitimate partner! Not to have deep conversation!

He looked at the wall closer and saw the dent from a screw. There had been a tv on the wall before. Why had someone removed it? And then, a possible answer struck him.

Bishop had made a planned choice to let Leo sleep there, so maybe it had been taken to avoid Leo seeing Marion Cotillard. Or even, to keep him from seeing other contradictions Bishop had perhaps made-up, from movie or television?

What was with this name of Caesar to begin with? Donnie mused, a finger under his chin as he frowned.

It was not the first time he had reflected on this. He had thought that Leo’s great tactical intelligence, had given him this nickname, but this time, he tried to look at him from a movie aspect.

There were plenty of movies with Julius Caesar, he recalled, and anyway Caesar was a historical character, easy to find references about in books or whatever.

He was about to text Mikey, the movie specialist of the family but decided against it. Donnie didn’t want to drag his brothers into Leo’s recovery when he was only at the hypothesis stage. Instead, he used his T-Phone to do some research and the answer came immediately.

Planets of the Apes.

Caesar was the main protagonist of the Planet of the Apes reboot series, an evolved chimpanzee, the leader of the Ape Army, respected by all his fellows, but adopted and raised by humans. But, after losing his wife and son because of an attack by the humans, Caesar went on a quest for vengeance against the man responsible.

Leo’s supposed wife was dead and maybe it was the tale that Bishop had told him.

Nothing was certain, Donne thought, but it was still a possibility that Bishop had named Leo from a movie and given him a European actress, one hardly known in the USA, as a fake spouse.

But that didn't fix Don's immediate problem; he needed to find something to occupy him, and to block out the sound coming from others rooms, of people having sex or taking a good shot of heroin. Next time, he would have to convince Raph and Mikey to let him bring a laptop

Maybe a cold shower would do him some good, he decided.

In the past, Leo had always liked to smell his scent on Donnie. Maybe he would be pleased to smell it again? And anyway, the Commander wouldn’t be offended if Donatello was taking a shower.

He didn’t consider the heart-shaped tub, and stepped into the shower, turning on the water, adjusting it to a temperature that suited him. He rubbed the soap on himself and the odor was more masculine and spicy than Leo’s soap usually smelled. With disgust, he rubbed his ink-covered limbs clean; he felt like a circus freak. He could smell good, but he was still less attractive than ever.

In some places, the first that Mikey had inked, the tattooed skin had peeled, new leather without a number now showing. Maybe, in a few months, if he didn't ask Mikey again, he won’t have the tattoos anymore, but Leo would still remain shellless. It was so unfair.

The shower took him only ten minutes. A little time had passed since he had checked his T-Phone and scanning the room one last time, while he had still the opportunity to search in it freely, he realized the only place left to check was under the bed.

Kneeling on the floor carefully, he saw a what seemed like a box, and with a slow motion he dragged it toward himself and opened it to take a peek of inside. Immediately, he cursed his curiosity and, sweating and trembling, he pushed the bag away.

Donatello crawled as far as he could from the bed, and curled in on himself, he rocked his shell back and forth, trying to forget what he had just seen.

A junkie, ‘ready-to-fix’ kit.

Maybe it was for Leo, maybe it wasn’t a real one. Leo was getting injected with some chemicals, and maybe it was only for that.

All this denial was drowned by a louder voice telling him that it could be useful to him and that he just had to put his hoodie on, go knock on the door, ask and pay for a dose, and get high while waiting for Leo’s arrival.

Biting his lips, he managed to grab the first safety thing he could, one of Leo’s book, the one he didn't know about. Reading had always done him some good and maybe it would put his mind far from the drugs.

At first, the book seemed to be an odd choice for Leonardo. The Leo he knew had never seemed interested in medicine, or chemistry, or the exhausting process of seeking the truth. However, as he read, Don felt a kinship with this Joanna. She seemed trapped by unnecessary rules and bureaucracy - not to mention the nonsensical beliefs of some around her.

He wondered if Leonardo had felt that way in the past, if that was what had drawn him into the book. Perhaps Leo knew on some level that his past life existed within him, like the dream of a coma patient or a dying man? Maybe... maybe he had also seen the same kinship with Donatello. It was too much to hope that Leo had read the book because he somehow missed his lover.

Donatello was at chapter twenty-five, when the Commander rushed in, so brutally that Don, startled, had moved to grab the bo he didn’t have.

“You told me you were a medic. It is true?” Leonardo asked aggressively.

Don could not help but noticed that in addition to the twin katanas strapped to his back, Leo had a gun strapped to his belt, as well. Leonardo always professed a hatred of firearms.

Stunned to see this creature, so out of his mind, in the body of his usually calm and collected brother, Donatello simply nodded.

“So, tell me what you see on this picture!” Leo commanded, handing him a black glossy sheet of paper.

Obediently, Donnie took it. He looked at the picture, flabbergasted. It was obviously a sonogram and, he raised an uncertain gaze toward his eldest brother.

“Do you see any abnormality on it?” Leo asked again.

Jittery and compliant, Donatello looked at it carefully. No matter if it was only a piece of Bishop’s lie, Leonardo seemed to find it important.

Then, Donatello noticed the tiny shell in the image, his blood freezing as a realization came to him.

“It is yours?” he asked in amazement.

Leo nervously nodded and Don bit his lips. It was not a falsification. There was a little turtle in the picture; not in an egg, but formed as a baby, in, he supposed, a woman’s belly. How could that be possible? But he kept his wonderment for himself.

“I haven’t had the opportunity to look at an unborn baby mutant turtle before,” he commented simply. “This baby seems to be healthy from what I can see. How many months pregnant is the mother?” he asked, with a clinical tone, despite his bleeding heart and a numb feeling of jealousy.

He had never thought they could reproduce, but obviously, he had been wrong. His eldest brother’s life was not a dead end anymore, like theirs. One of Leo’s sex partners was pregnant and in front of this upcoming happiness, Don mused if it was a good thing to rip Leo from this hope, by telling him the truth.

But the Commander seemed distraught rather than happy.

“Kira is three-months pregnant… Never has a pregnancy held for so long. Bishop said they all died before, but I don’t want this to happen again,” Leonardo explained, walking with nervous stride toward the kitchen, to have a glass of tap water.

He lifted the glass and drank it all, in one-shot, before putting it down with a loud smack.

“Kira is… my favorite one,” he confessed, seeming ashamed.

Don suspected it was because the Commander Caesar wasn’t allowed to have a favorite. But it raised another question. Just how many female partners was Leonardo mating with? Was Bishop using him as a breeder? Leo had just told him about many miscarriages from his partners. It was indeed a possibility. To Bishop, his lover was nothing more than a guinea pig.

“I understand now, why I’m drawn to you. In a way, you look similar to her. You have the same unique hue of brown in your eyes,” Leo told him, blowing up Don’s analytical mind. “And even if she is not a turtle, since her forced mutation, she has reptilian skin, a shade lighter than yours. Aliens must have used some common element to make you.”

Don’s breathe caught in his throat, as he remembered the blood sample Bishop’s men had taken from him, before tying him to the beam, leaving him there to die. Was it possible that this Kira, Leo’s favorite, his jealous mind added, had been mutated with Donatello own stolen DNA?

“So, according to you, the baby seems fine…” Leonardo continued, with a hint of relief. “I know you live in sewers, I can tell from the smell, and because I followed you. I know you have to hide yourself now, but what were you before they mutated you?”

It was a tricky question, but it was natural that Leonardo wants to get to better know the mutant he was meeting in secret and to whom he had just asked a medical opinion. Don tried to give the most honest answer he could, not even bothering to be shocked about the fact that this dangerous and unpredictable being had followed him without his awareness. It was all Leo’s usual way.

“My brothers and I were raised to be crime fighters, but I must confess not having that much of a warrior spirit. I’m a mostly an engineer to be honest, and well, a kind of hacker too, when the situation calls for it,” Don told him earnestly. “But, as you know, our appearance prevents us from receiving health care and so, I’m the designated medic of my family.”

The Commander had a smirk

“You’re some kind of genius then? and a hacker? That's interesting,” he simply commented, “so, I can take your advice as a good one?”

Don flushed. He knew that, in a sense, he was a genius, except when it came to love or life choices.

“Yes, I guess I am…” he replied in a soft voice, “and yes, from what I can tell, she should be fine and the little one, too. His limb seems well developed, as do the heart and the brain.”

Leonardo took a step closer, his eyes shining and appearing the more relaxed than Donnie had seen since he had become Caesar. This seductive sight ripped Donnie’s breathe from him.

“Undress now, my sweet genius. I don’t have so much time, not as much as I want…” he said, brushing Don’s jawline with his finger, with a strange tenderness in a mutant so heavily armed.

Donnie could not help it and jealousy took the better of him.

“Why? Are you in a hurry to be with your favorite? Anyway, why are you seeing me if you love her?”

Donatello knew he was pathetic, and even more when Leo gave a low laugh.

“Are you jealous? That’s silly!” he said, before continuing, more serious. “I never said that I was in love with her! I prefer her company over some of their others on the base, that’s it. She has something appealing about her, and her story is stirring, but that’s all. And anyway, I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Leo growled. ”Besides, I’m meeting with you to feed my rebel side. This between you and me, it’s only a short-term attraction, too,” he explained logically. “Now, undress, I told you I don’t have much time. I have somewhere to go right after.”

Suddenly, even if it was indeed uncalled, Donnie didn’t feel so submissive. He didn’t want to be a shift in Leo’s busy sex schedule.

“If you are so worried for her, what are you doing here?” he wondered again, defensively. “She is your mate and she is pregnant with your child. If you are worried about her well-being, go find her! I won’t give you any child. And anyway, I’m obviously not your favorite!” Donatello snapped, upset, not giving a damn about sounding jealous again.

The Commander had another smug smirk.

“I already told you. Now, continue to play this game and you won’t get any,” he warned, “I’m not monogamous anymore and so, take me like I am or jack yourself off.”

The irony and the way Leo talked to him had Donatello musing again whether it was really his brother. Leonardo had always used a correct language, but this one was talking with such colorful vocabulary. And what was with this supposed bad boy side? Master Splinter would not recognize his five-star student anymore. Was it possible that in less than a year, Leo had changed that much?

Well, Leo had probably died on the operating table, after having to bear, what had likely been, a week of torture and brainwashing; so, yes, it was indeed possible, his mind decided, in anger against himself.

Was he really having a jealous tantrum when the situation was so critical? His goal was not to keep Leonardo for himself. Donnie was supposed to be over this selfish pleasure. He needed to stay focused on the real prize: Leonardo, a blue bandana tied on his face, having tea in their lair.

“I’m sorry,” Donnie yielded, “forget that I said anything. I’m ready.”

He was already moving himself onto all-fours when Leo stopped him.

“No. Today, I want to see your face.”

His heart pounding, Donatello turned to lay on his shell. It was an unexpected ask, but he decided to take it as a good sign. It was more intimate this way, more loving… Don censured his mind. It was a proof that he had succeeded in getting some of Leo’s trust back.

Finally, this Kira didn’t seem so important, because Leo appeared to have totally forgotten about her, when he was so concerned just ten minutes ago. Don knew that he was a dumb jerk for thinking so, but he must admit, to himself at least, he was relieved to see the unknown rival so quickly forgotten.

The hand slid along his body, curious and possessive, before landing on Donnie’s tail and Leo gave it a little squeeze.

“I don’t know why this thing makes me so crazy,” Leo said, his voice dripping with lust, sending shivers up through Donnie’s spine.

Don was about to retort something but he bit his tongue. Leonardo was not ready to hear about anything of this kind and it was not the time to jeopardize what was about to happen. He would see Leonardo naked.

It was not in a lustful way, he tried to convince himself. It was for science. Donnie had to know what had changed in his lover’s body to maybe be able to fix things.

“Just watch my eyes,” Leo instructed. “Don’t look elsewhere.”

It was an obstacle, but Donnie found it very easy to follow this command, like he was hypnotized by the blue stare above him. Even when Leonardo was prepping him, and so, not staring at him so carefully, he didn’t try to look away. His brother had kept his black tank top on anyway, probably ashamed of the probable scars that he must have from the horrific operation he’d gone through.

Even if the sex was intense, it seemed slightly more considerate than the last time, and so, not so much different from their time in the lair. The illusion was so strong, that when Leo had finished, Donnie was not sure if all though their lovemaking, whether or not he had not called his brother by his real name.

“You really love me, do you?” Leonardo asked, in the neutral tone he used when he did not want to share his feelings.

Don felt the blue-steel gaze diving into his soul and supposed that sex eye-to-eye was not a romantic fancy for the former leader. It had been a test and Leo had probably seen the genuine love in Don’s eyes, that he wanted to see.

“I do. For a long time. I already told you that,” he admitted.

Leonardo stayed silent and stood up to wipe himself clean, busying himself rather than replying something. Donatello could not help but let his eyes lingering on his partner’s body.

He could tell that the tail was missing from the view he had, and that Leo’s cock was the same that had featured in his fantasies for almost a year, but obviously, Leo was not tucking it into his plastron. Narrowing his eyes, Don tried to see if it was because of the surgeries Bishop had done, when the voice slapped him out of his reverie.

“I asked you for proof. Don’t think I forgot about that. I never forget a thing,” Leo informed him. “Where is it?”

Startled, Don crawled out of the bed, to grab his hoodie from the floor next to it He pulled the picture he had brought from the pocket and with a trembling hand, gave it to him.

Anxiously he waited for his brother verdict. Leonardo was devouring the photo with his eyes and did not say a word for a full minute.

Then, he raised an unimpressed look.

“It is the best you can do? I mean, for a genius, the photoshop on this is obvious. You took a picture with one of your brothers, the cute one, and just manipulated the image afterwards.”

Who the fuck was the cute one, Mikey? a part of Donnie’s brain wondered. While the other part was kicking him to pay attention. A big game was about to start and one misstep could be fatal.

“Is not Photoshopped, it’s you! It’s only because of the blue bandana,” Donatello insisted.

With an apparent disgust, Leonardo dropped Donnie’s cherished memory, letting the picture float the floor.

“It’s not about the bandana. First, I would never such have a dorky smile. Second,” he hissed, baring his teeth, and dread filled Don, ”you said we were lovers before. But I’m already a mutant in this picture. According to you, the last time you saw me, was when I was being dragged away by them!”

With an impressive fury, Leo unsheathed his katanas, which had been on the table.

“I have been a fool to trust you! I don’t get why I keep coming back to you. Now be ready to die for your lies!”

Instinct kicked in and Don exploded, from all the pressure accumulated in recent months.

“It’s not lies! I don’t even know what you think you were before, but I can tell you; you were a turtle just like me! This man ripped off your shell and did I don’t know what other abominable things to you but if you want to know why you find my tail enticing it is because you were used to playing with one, when you had your own!”

He could tell that the Commander was shocked, but it was now or never. He still didn’t know Leo’s full story, but he knew enough to speak his mind.

“You said you never forget anything but how could you have forget us, Leo? Not only me! I don’t care if you don’t remind me, I’m not worthy of your memory, but what about Raph and Mike? What about our father?” Donatello demanded to know. “He is the man who gave you those katana. He taught you how to fight!

“What horrible experience did they put you through to make you forget almost twenty years! Come with me and I will show you the truth!”, he yelled, losing it, but determined now to make his point.

“What about the woman’s picture in your bedside table? Did he tell you that was your wife? She is just some French actress! And what about your fake name? It’s from a movie with a human adopting a mutated animal! Doesn’t it remind you something? If he hadn’t prevented you from watching TV, you would know that!” he concluded, gesturing toward the blank wall.

Still his katanas in hand, the Commander growled, his face deadly serious.

“You know nothing, do you? I smashed this TV by myself, because I know the aliens can watch us through it…”

He could not help it, Donatello burst out in a manic laughter.

“You were so clever! If Raph could see what his Fearless Leader is now... so damn naïve! There’s no fucking way that...”

“Language!” Leo snapped.

It was so similar to the real Leonardo that Donnie shut up automatically. It was not like him to have a potty mouth anyway, and he was now ashamed of himself. He had lost control and his mind, like all the time it was about Leonardo. How could he blame his eldest brother after Leo had such suffered by Donnie’s fault?

“I’m counting to ten; if you are not gone by then, I’ll cut off your lying head and send it to your so-called family,” he threatened before starting counting aloud.

Don knew Leo well enough to guess he was not bluffing. He could not challenge Leo and stay. It wouldn’t do any good. The Commander would kill him and Leo would never come back, and so Donnie’s death would be useless. He had been a fool to try to convince Leonardo so soon in this new and fragile relationship, without having any solid evidence.

“Never come back. “If I see you, I’ll kill you on the spot,” Leo spat with hatred, stopping counting.

Don looked over his shoulder with a sad smile.

“I will come back, because I love you and I won’t stop coming back until you are safe at home and yourself, ” he murmured, taking the plastic keycard on the table, holding it up in Leo’s outraged face.

Not pushing his luck, he rushed outside. He was momentarily surprised to see it was already dawn; he had to hurry home.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is no beta. I still don't know English, but I told myself maybe some were enough eager to read it to forgive me and my bad grammar ;) If someone with some basic knowledge of French is ready to beta Deep Water in the future, tell me.

There were no questions for him at his return, and Don was grateful for it. He had already enough to agonize over as questions, already. He could not find an answer at any, except if he sees again Leonardo and finds a way to make him talk. But Commander Caesar had warned him that he will kill him right on the spot if Donatello dared come back.

But it was not like Donnie has the choice. He had to go back to the motel and wait for Leonardo to come back. But, maybe it would be wise to wait a couple of days, the time for the Commander to calm down a bit.

It was not like Donnie minds to die, anyway. If he could die, bringing Leo back to their family, he would die happy.

But to do that he needed to get Leo’s trust and discover what happened to him. Leo won’t answer a question in the state of mind Don left him the night before. Donnie can suppose that Leo has been tortured, to the point of probably dying, while him, Donnie, have like the biggest problem in his life to resist to his addiction.

But Leo has been injected with an unknown product, and…

The syringe, piercing the flesh, reaching the vein in his arm. Just a sting, and then, a wave of well-being rushing on him. He could just lie down and forget all this mess...

“Focus, Donatello, goddammit!”, he said aloud, mad at himself to have still such thoughts when it was so uncalled for. But then, an idea pooped in his mind. He had found under Leo’s bed an injection kit. If he was Leo’s, he could maybe substitute the unknown product with something else, something who let Leo compliant. Not morphine, just an anesthetic to knock him down, and then, maybe he could drag Leo back home, and then, make some analysis on the chemical who give regenerating capacities to his brother.

Donatello pondered this, a pen on his chin. In the last year, he had neglected to follow scientific actuality, but he was sure that last time he checked, the science was far away to make such a discovery. And, to be honest, they were many other emergencies on Earth, besides creating a regenerative serum, like a vaccine for an epidemic, or one to make Ocean water drinkable. Bishop was working for an organization with the acronym of ‘EPF’ and Don presumed that the ‘F’ means “Force”, because besides the military, who will bother to create a product able to make a super soldier? Super soldier against which threat? The Aliens that Leo was so mad about? And Leo had talked about a base, and he was heavily armed, with a military title. And what about what Leo was looking for the night they found him? Something to make other soldiers like Leo, some living weapons?

Maybe it was Bishop goal and it was the reason he seemed to want to breed Leonardo. Maybe he had managed to make his serum work on Leo but had failed with other specimens, and then, tried to pass Leo’s new capacity in a biological way?

Maybe the serum had worked on Leonardo because of the mutagen but maybe it was a too unstable combination to be given to his progeny and it was why all of them was dying.

What Donnie had seen on the sonogram looked healthy, but he was not specialized about pregnancy since it never happened to any of them and was not mean to be. But Leo had found female partners willing to have sex with him what Don had never believed possible in their lifetime. But ‘ willing’ was maybe not the appropriate word. Maybe forced was a better word. And what about this Kyra? Leonardo had talked about her as a mutant, with Donnie’s eyes, and Don could help but to find it a bad omen. Was it only by chance? He doubted it. Even this name seemed kind of made up, like a nickname of a porn star movie.

He made a quick research on Google and was surprised to see that the name was used in many series. She was a Ramsay Bolton bedwarmer in games of throne, and a surgeon in Planet of the Apes, and since Caesar was also from this fandom, Don thought that maybe there were some answers there since Bishop seemed to like the reference about it

Donatello watched all of it, the old and the new movies and the series, and after three days of it, and five notepads full of meaningless scribbles, he was about to lose his mind. The only thing that he knows for sure was that Leo was manipulated to serve Bishop unknow schemes.

“What all of these Apes is about, Dee?” Mikey asked, entering, followed by a pissed off Raphael. Don had heard Raph complaining for more than twenty thousand times about how Donnie was sitting on his ass, instead of helping Leo.

Don told himself that it was maybe time to share a little information before Raph grow impatient and make the big mistake of jumping Leo and be beheaded for his trouble.

“Leo has been named Caesar,” Donnie explained. “ I have reason to thing have a correlation with Planets of the Apes, because well, the movie seems a great source of inspiration for Bishop, considering others pieces of information I have.”

Raph narrowed his eyes, folding his arms, looking suspicious and Donnie braced himself.

“What you mean, genius? What da ya know and don’t tell us?”

Don closed his eyes a brief moment and took a deep breath.

“Leo seems to think that he has...been mutated by alien and that, before that, he has been married to a human woman.”

Raphael blinked.

“Come again, would ya?”

Donatello uttered a sigh of exasperation.

“Leo obviously think that he was a human, with a wife, before. He doesn’t remember her, but someone, probably Bishop made him believe this tale. I saw a woman picture, in his bedtable, but if is supposed to be Leo’s wife, he will be easiest to convince him that Bishop lied to him. She is an actress. “ He took another breathe, focusing of his choice of words and information to tell, without betraying how far he has been in the Commander’s intimacy.

“Leo thinks that he had, and us, all the same, has been abducted and mutated by aliens. He thinks that he has no shell and no tails because he could escape from their lab, and now, he thinks that they could still spy on him, by tv screen.”

“What is this bunch of shit, Don?” Raph hissed. “That has any sense and is not Fearless at all to be so naive! you bullshit us!”

With rage, Don hit his desk, making some paper sheet fly on the ground.

“I’m not!” he snapped.” Leo fucking die the day that they removed his shell. Then, the product that he is injected with make him revive or whatever! You saw it like me,” Don stated, pointing Raph.”The wound of you sai had healed in two-minutes flat!”

Raph lowered his gaze because he could not deny it and Don calmed down a bit.

“What I’m saying is that Leo has been tortured both physically and mentally. Then, they kind of...drugged him,” he said, after a hesitation because only the word seemed to make his tongue itching,”The serum or whatever this chemical is called give him regeneration, and maybe other capacities, but it could affect his mood and memory. Such a powerful substance could not have any side-effects. What I saw too and that he needs an injection on a regular basis if not, he feels ill. What I want to do is maybe find a way to substitute this product or have a sample to analyze.”

Raphael seemed conflicted, but Splinter came to Donatello, rescue.

“I trust your brother in this, Raphael. You shall do the same.”

The hothead muttered some unintelligible words but did not protest any further, storming off the lab.

Master Splinter landed his hand on Donnie's shoulder.

“Remember Donatello, that there a long time ago, I chose you to care for Leonardo.”

Don met the gaze of the rat, surprised by the kind words. Yes, a long time ago, when he has faked to be in love with Leonardo, before truly being, Master Splinter had told him that he was accepting Donnie courtship of the eldest, in replacement of Raphael.

“Master Splinter, with all due respect, I don’t believe I’m worthy to be in this position at Leonardo’s side, anymore.”, he said softly, turning away. This topic was still too painful, his memory replaying constantly how he had messed up with Leo He could not even linger his mind on it, without thinking right after to have a shot.

“My son, you underestimate yourself. Are you not there, seeking answer each minute of the day to heal him? ” splinter asked seriously.

“Yes, I guess so,” Donatello replied without conviction. To him, he was still not doing enough, and Raph was the one being right, but he won’t contradict his father, who only wanted to be encouraging.

“I will talk to Raphael. Continue your work, my son. I have faith in you. In all aspect.”Splinter emphasized,” but don’t forget that your brother Leonardo has flaws as well. The one who cost you both a long happiness was his own stubbornness. Your brother was not perfect and this robot they made of him, not either. Search the flaw, the weak spot. It was what I taught you, and Leonardo, as well. His body is strong, but his mind and his heart have still some weakness, trust me. I can tell he is still stubborn, and it will be hard, but maybe pride or love, will have the better of him. If someone could achieve to find a way through his barriers, it’s you, my son.”

Donatello did not answer, taking all of it like a cup of fresh water, after a walk of twenty years, lost in a desert. Their Sensei never talked bad about the eldest, the so perfect son and hero, but it was not what was making Donatello feeling better. He knows deep inside of him that he was more guilty than Leonardo. Neither the praises for him was affecting him. Whatever Splinter said, Don was unworthy to even look at Leo in the eyes, if one day, his brother come back to his sense. What warmed a little his chest was that Splinter was right, on a point. Commander Caesar was almost invincible physically, with his surgery or the serum. But in nature, you never get something, without losing someone else. To believe such silly things, like Alien spying on humans by television, Leo has been brainwashed, but Donnie could tell, that his brother does not seem so easy to handle or a puppet. Leo had told him about meeting him to feed his rebel side, and disobeying about having sex with a stranger. Then, he was seeming mistrusting Bishop about this miscarriage of his sexual partners. That meant that Leo was not completely satisfied with his life in this secret base, to the point to even sleep elsewhere a few days a week. But how Bishop was tolerating that his precious Commander was so belligerent? Did he fear his own creation as Frankenstein? But Bishop has this med, that Leonardo needed. But maybe it was only a placebo? Maybe the effects of regeneration were permanent, but Bishop was making Leo believe the opposite as a way to manipulate? It could be. Leo could be imagining feeling ill, his mind seeming to the verge of paranoia. It was indeed a possible theory and a most tangible material than any movie to dig. He had to take a sample, whatever from the product itself or by some Leo’s fluids. But that means he has to find a way to get very close or even better, to make Leo sleep with him...

A slight cough drives him away of his thoughts and he finally noticed that Mikey was still there.

“Well, you are lucky Raph is not the sharpest tool in the box,” Mikey said. “Because, if he was, he will have to get how you earned so much information! You had seen for sure that Leo had any tail, and then, you have been able to look at his bedtable, meaning you were in his bedroom.”

Don’s breath caught in his throat and he opened his mouth for denying it, but he knew that it was a lost cause, when Mikey shrugged.

“You are still hot under the shell for him. I get that and I admit that despite being shell-less, he is kind of sexier in a bad guy. But you should remember that you can’t mess this, Donnie. We don’t need that you think with your dick, this time again.”

Donatello swallowed heavily. Mikey was not threatening him at all, but still, he felt like acid was filling his stomach.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell Raph,” Mikey said, but neutral, like he was still unsure about how he should feel about it. “And maybe that indeed, it will end to be a good tactic and Leo will follow your ass here to pound into you again….dunno.”

His voice was telling otherwise, and Donnie tried to justify himself. Mikey had to understand Don was not doing this for his own satisfaction, but to get Leo’s trust.

“It’s mean to make him lower his guard, nothing more!”

Mikey shrugged again, shaking his head, muttering

“Whatever bro, just don’t fuck this. We had suffered enough, all of us.”

“I promise Mikey. I want Leo back. And when he will be here and the Leo we know, I will stay away from him. I won’t interfere in any relationship he wants to have, with you, with Raph or anybody else! I yielded on him. I will be only a devoted brother, for my remaining lifetime ” Donnie explained feverishly.

Mikey said nothing, and with a last doubtful look, he slid out of the lab and Don sighed. He was right for something, earlier in his reflections. You can’t gain without losing something else. He had Master Splinter’s trust but just lose Mikey’s.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, still not speaking English

Maybe Leo wouldn’t ever go there again, knowing that Donatello knew about the place and even had a key for it. He had told Leo he would come back, and maybe his lost brother had told himself it would be less trouble if he only moved his hide-out.

How could he go home again and face his brothers, and tell them that he had failed? They were expecting so much from him. Raphael was avoiding him and Don could not remember how long it had been since the last time they had a friendly chat together. Mikey still had a little faith in him, but Don felt like it had dimmed each time he came back to the lair without Leonardo by his side. Master Splinter declared that Donatello had his trust, and the turtle felt great pressure to meet his expectations.

A brain who thought about nothing except get a fix to stop the flow of his remorses. When he was not attempting to short-circuit his drugs craving, he was agonizing about finding the solution to fix the situation and get things like they were before.  
  
Or, sometimes, at his great shame, his brain needed so much to not being stressed up all the time, menacing to crack if it hadn’t a break,  that Don had no choice but to let his imagination picturing pleasuring images, like Leo’s bold hand on him, bending him.   
  
And after this so brief release, his mind returned to being torn out, drowning away morphine craving to try to plan to bring back Leo but with not even a clue how to do it really. He still remembered the words of his Sensei about Leo still being Leo, even without a shell, and having a weakness, but finding Commander Caesar’s kryptonite without being beheaded would be an achievement.   
  
At the moment a voice in his mind told him that he can just get up, walk to the next door where he was hearing some experimental music, knock and ask something, _anything_ to numb his mind or even…   
  
_Shut it for good._ _  
_   
His mouth came dry with expectation, about feeling nothing, no worries, no stresses, not remorses, no shame, not hopeless fantasies. Just a long, blissful nothingness. Just the thought of it make him drool, maybe even more than he never did about Leonardo.   
  
He shivered, licking his lips. He could not drop it already. He had to wait for two more weeks, he promised himself. Maybe the Commander was on a mission, and so, not available. If he killed himself now, Leo was lost for good.   
  
Reading was not enough to fill his mind and to drown the temptation away, he put his t-pod listening to the music, choosing a song that he liked to listen when he was still crushing on April, what looking back, was the gold old time.   
  
The lyrics were so much meaningful now, and he sang lowly, his eyes closed. Yes, going back to the start would be good. If he knew how to join Renet, he would ask her to go back in time.   
  
_Come up to meet you_ _  
_ _Tell you I'm sorry_ _  
_ _You don't know how lovely you are_ _  
_ _I had to find you_ _  
_ _Tell you I need you_ _  
_ _Tell you I set you apart_ _  
_ _Tell me your secrets_ _  
_ _And ask me your questions_ _  
_ _Oh let's go back to the start_ _  
_ _Running in circles, coming up tails_ _  
_ _Heads on a science apart_ _  
_ _Nobody said it was easy_ _  
_ _It's such a shame for us to part_ _  
_ _Nobody said it was easy_ _  
_ _No one ever said it would be this hard_ _  
_ _Oh take me back to the start_ _  
_ _I was just guessing at numbers and figures_ _  
_ _Pulling your puzzles apart_ _  
_ _Questions of science, science and progress_ _  
_ _Do not speak as loud as my heart_ _  
_ _Tell me you love me_ _  
_ _Come back and haunt me_ _  
_ _Oh and I rush to the start_ _  
_ _Running in circles, chasing our tails_ _  
_ _Coming back as we are_ _  
_ _Nobody said it was easy_ _  
_ _Oh it's such a shame for us to part_ _  
_ _Nobody said it was easy_ _  
_ _No one ever said it would be so hard_ _  
_ _I'm going back to the start..._   
  
A cold and sharp object pointing on this throat make him snaps his eyes open.   
  
Wearing more clothes than usual, Leonardo was steading above him, his icy blue stare narrowed. He seemed in an even darker mood than usual.   
  
“You have a lovely voice, but lying things are always pretty. But I’m here to ask you something. Are you really a scientist or a physician?” he asked, a hint of threat in his voice. “I guess so,” Don agreed slowly and when the blade cut him slightly, he added quickly. “I mean I have not an official degree, but I guess I’m the next best thing you can have. And I won’t ever harm you in any way.”   
  
“Good,” the Commander declared, picking from the ground a motionless creature,"Take her, hide her and heal her.”   
  
Don, wide-eyed, looked at the slender creature, from which blood was still oozing. She was a kind of hybrid, with a human, slender body but covered his pale-green scale. Oddly, she has still long braided dark-brown hair, clashing with her reptilian skin. Irrelevantly, Donnie thought that she was indeed the most close of a female turtle they could have. But like Leo, she had no shell.   
  
“What happened to her?” he asked in an urgent tone, now full in doctor mode, already reaching to her to find her vitals. She was not an unknown rival at the moment, but someone in danger.   
  
“She got in labor, I didn’t know. Nobody tells me each time it's happening and I always send away to collect some military parts or mystic artifacts. But this time, I managed to get sooner, because I felt it would be Kyra time,” he said, anger lacing his voice. “They cut her open and took the baby. They said it was dead, like all the others, but you told me a few days before it was alright! So, prove to me you are not a liar and save her.”   
  
Leo handed him a little kit and Don opened it in a hurry. It was a first-aid one but, in the current situation, he doubted it would enough. But he immediately made a gesture to Leonardo to demand him to lay down the person he guessed was Kyra. He laid her with great care and a brief stab of jealousy took him.

Leo had told him she was his favorite and being attracted to Donatello because he shared some common traits with her. His dismissed the irrelevant thought. There was more urgent matter.

Donatello cleaned the wound on her belly with some disinfectant wipe and winced seeing better what it was about. She had had a caesarian, but with absolutely no consideration for the mother’s life. There were some bandages in the first aid kit, and he bandaged her wound as best he could do to slow down the bleeding.  
  
She had lost already maybe too much blood.  
  
“I have to move her at my lab, I don’t have any material to help her further. She needs more than to have her wound disinfected and bandaged. She needs stitches, monitoring and probably a blood transfusion,” Donatello declared.  
  
Leo nodded, serious.  
  
“Go ahead. I can’t follow you, but I will come back in a few days.”  
  
The commander made a move for disappearing, but suddenly, Don got an idea. Until now he had been too dazzled by the event to think clearly but he just had an illumination.  
  
“Why don’t you give her what you use to heal your wounds?”  
  
The Commander stopped on his track, turning only his head.  
  
“What are you talking about? I don’t have any product for that. My wound heals because of the alien surgery,” he explained sternly.  
  
Donatello had the strength to keep a poker face and only blink at this aberration.  
  
“So, with what do you shoot yourself?” he asked.  
  
“The serum prevent me to turn all turtle and being a mindless animal, nothing more,” Leonardo replied seriously and  Donnie was done. It was maybe because of this unknown product than Leonardo had lost his memory. If Leo stopped to use it, maybe he would remember them.  
  
“Please, nothing on this would happen to you,” Donnie pleaded. “Stop these injections. This drug is probably harmful to your brain…”  
  
Hypocrite much, Donatello, he thought, listening to himself, warning Leo’s about drugs ravage when even knowing very well about morphine effect, he used it. But Leonardo did not listen, seeming in a hurry to leave.  
  
“Here, he said, searching his pocket,”I was about to forget. I stole some morphine in their infirmary, in case she is too in pain.”

Frozen, Don looked at the bottle Leo handed him as it was a deadly weapon.

“Take it, damn it. I must go back to the base before they notice my absence,” Commander Caesar insisted.  
  
Stiffly, Don stretched his hand, taking the bottle. It was burning him like a cold fire. His mouth went dry and despite himself, he shook in excitement. He had it now, and he could…

 _"No”_ his brain protested, kicking in.

_“Look at your skin. 1451. Don’t mess this up. Mikey, Raph, Master Splinter, they trust you to bring Leo back. You won’t shoot yourself. Is for her. If you save her, you would learn Leo’s trust.  You are in a better way that you though for that. For this, he went at you!”_

He looked down, staring at the bottle like it was the key to a secret paradise.

_“No, I can’t do this, I need him. He must stay with me. I need his strength.”_

“Why do you go back there? Stay with us,” Donnie pleaded,” she would be better if she has a loved one near her.”

Don did not say he needed him too, but his eyes must have betrayed him because Leonardo shook his head, taking a bold step toward him.

“I can’t. Not now,’ he said,“But here to help you hold out until I come back.”  
  
The lips crashed on Donatello’s before he could react. The kiss lasted maybe five seconds but was enough to put the morphine bottle in the back of his mind for some instants.   
  
“Save her and you could ask me a favor, later,” he said, before disappearing in the night, leaving Donatello alone with Kyra.

It was not that bad, he tried to convince himself, trying so damn hard to dismiss the reality of the bottle he still holds, while Leonardo’s favorite lover lays dying from a botched cesarean on the bedspread.

Donatello had dealt before with bad injuries. He would bring her to the lair, give her the morphine or pour it down the sink if she did not need it, save her, and then, he though touching his lips, Leo would be back home and all Don’s awful sins would be forgiven.


	10. Bobba

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta

  
When Donatello was done daydreaming, he lifted with great care the injured creature and carried to the lair. It was not the first time that he was taking a wounded person to go back to the sewers and he knew he could not climb down the ladder without help. Donnie still remembered when he had fallen from the ladder, after having been shot, in the burglary. Is from there that everything had gone downhill.

When he was well-hidden in the park near the beach, he lay her down carefully to type a quick text to Mikey, with his exact location.

‘Need help. I have to bring back someone. Not Leo, but a friend of him. She is badly injured.’

Donatello knew to bring back Kyra to the lair meant he had to break the news to his brothers that this creature was Leo’s lover, the favorite one among many other lovers. Of course, Raph would not be pleased, but it was not like he had the choice. Leo had given him proof of trust, and had sealed his promise to give Donatello any favor he wanted with a kiss. Of course, Donnie would skip the part about the kiss but would explain to his brother it was their opportunity to have Leo back to the lair, simply by asking him or have access to new information about their brother by this female mutant.

While waiting for his brothers, who could take nearly fifteen minutes, he looked at her bandage. Blood was already staining it, and suddenly, after having been so exalted, Don felt dread. What if she doesn’t survive and even died without saying anything about Leo’s condition?

If he fails to maintain her in life, Leo won’t hesitate to kill him and probably all their family, without knowing what he does, he thought, a hand around his neck, feeling almost the cold blade of a katana on it.

He won’t fail, one part of his brain was stating. He could not mess up with Leo and their family at stake, and he was a good doctor.

Yes, he was excellent dealing with broken bones, and open stab wound or concussion or mere sickness. But never he had worked on what seemed a premature cesarean section. Damn! He had not even seen a female body from close!

“It’s a wound like another, and you had read many textbooks about the female reproductive part and…”

Who was he kidding? He would fuck this up. Easy happiness never happened to them. She would die on the cot in his lab and Leo would be furious, and that was an understatement. Commander Caesar would take it as treason.

The morphine came again to his mind and the though comfort him a little. If she died, he would...

Donatello heard the knock on the underside of the manhole cover, meaning that his brothers were there, kicking him out of his thoughts. He raised the cover and when he saw Michelangelo’s face, he lifted from the ground Kyra with great cares.

“Be careful. Her injuries are critical,” Donnie warned and was grateful Mikey obeyed without asking a question, helping Donatello to climb down with the unconscious body in their arms. When they touched the ground, Raph was there, not as silent as Michelangelo.

“What happened? Who is she?” Raphael wondered, shining his t-phone's flashlight on her.

“This is Kyra,” Don explained looking again closer to the bandage, before motioning to Mikey that they can advance.” She is a ...friend of Leonardo and he asked me to save and protect her.”

It was the truth, anyway.

Raph folded his arms.

“Why Leo, the big shot, this kind of Wolverine guy need us, some unknows strangers to help him save a chick, uh?" he asked irately. "And who said she is not like a Greek Horse? She must be chipped!” he stated in a growl.

“You mean Trojan,” Don said, without paying too much attention to Raph, too busy to make a mental inventory of all his medications and equipment that could help him save Kyra.” She is not, I can assure you, since Leonardo knew already we are hiding in the sewers. I didn’t tell him,” he denied, seeing the flash of anger in the green-amber eyes. “He figured out by the smell. Maybe they enhanced his sense of smell, as well. Anyway, Leo asked me to help him and I will do it because it is the best way to get his trust. Besides, this person knows the new Leonardo. If she recovers from her wounds, she can inform us. This will be very useful to help Leo himself later,” Donatello declared and with satisfaction, he noticed Raphael seemed convinced.

Donatello led the way to the lair in hight spirit. He can do this! But when thirty minutes later, she was laying under the bright light of the infirmary, his confidence crumbled and panic took over. All of this was on him and it's looked bad.

Kyra was ashen, and her breathing labored. Cautiously, he removed the bandage to clean the wound again, to look better before stitching it. His then that he felt his stomach fell to the floor. The fact that she had been slaughtered was even more, and the one who had operated on him did not even bother to give her back her uterus. The fetus had been torn from the mother's body, without any consideration for the mother. Horrified, he looked at her. The stitches will not be enough, and as he had thought, she needed a blood transfusion.

And an effective painkiller.

With trembling hands, he opened the drawer where the one-use-only syringe was and the alcohol wipes. They have robbed them from a hospital, and each was in a sealed package, to be sure that it would be used only for a medical purpose. He ripped the package and, with an irrelevant shiver of excitement, he opened the morphine bottle.

Breathing hard, Donatello filled the barrel of the syringe to the 30 mg line and have the idea that maybe if he shoot himself, he would be less nervous and more efficient to save Kyra. He stared at the syringe a brief moment, mouth dry with longing. Absent-mindedly, because he had done this so many times, Donatello swabbed the needle with the alcohol wipe and then took Kyra’s arm.

“I was worried about you,” Mikey said, maybe watching him for a while already and Don jumped almost out of his shell.”Who gave you this?”

“It’s Leo. He stole it from the place he calls the base,” Donatello murmured, ashamed to had been caught so close to relapse.”It’s for her, to help her with her pain.”

“For a moment, I have been fooled it was for you, bro,” Mikey sneered.”Do you mind if I stay?”

Don shook his head, ready to make the injection. Mikey was right to watch him. With cold sweat, he realized again how his fight with addiction would never end. How he had been so tempted to shoot himself first, while this poor creature Leo had entrusted him was dying in his face was a proof he was still unreliable.

Busy to swab the hollow of Kyra’s elbow, struggling to look professional, he did not notice a thing until he heard Mikey’s low exclamation.

“Holy fuck!”

Startled, Donatello missed the vein while inserting the needle and followed Mikey incredulous glance.

Then he had a shock.

On the cot, Kyra was blinking at him with two very familiar mahogany eyes, the same one he saw in the mirror every morning. He could not be a coincidence, his rational mind stated. Don was not reminding Kyra to Leo. She had been made from him. In addition to her eyes, she had the same long, slender, limbs and silhouette and the green of her scale was close to his.

“Are you my donor?” she asked, erasing whatever glimpse of doubt Don could still have.

“Yes, ”Donnie answered, while Mikey was looking at him, gasping. ”I am, probably. Commander Caesar brought you here to assure your protection. I’m a doctor and I will help you to heal. This will sting a little, but then, you will feel better,” he said, but without taking the morphine filled syringe, but opening the drawer to take a new one.

“They brought the baby, Did they?” she murmured, clutching her belly, her eyes wide with despair.

“Yes,” Donatello said painfully, upset to have to distraught the mother further.”Commander Caesar gave you to me, in this state. It was too late, we could not do anything.”

She closed her eyes, and sighed, while Donatello was using the new syringe to take a blood sample.

“I know it would be my fate when I saw the Commander was still leaving the base despite the instruction I had to make him stay with me. The High Command had so much hope in me because they said I was the clever and the most successful one. They said I was made from the same blood than Commander and so, our offspring would be more robust, perhaps. But I disappointed them”

Without leaving his patient from the eyes, he turned on the recorder of his T-phone and put it on the table next to them, keeping a neutral kind face while conserving the blood sample in a vial to analyze it later. Whatever she said before passing out after a morphine shoot could be useful. Maybe less in pain, she would be too careful to not let slide any information about the base, Leonardo or Bishop. What she had just revealed was important. She had admitted Caesar was related to her donor.

“Commander Caesar is deeply concerned for you,” he assured her, taking her other arm, to inject the morphine. “He made me promise to give the most dedicated cares”

“He is not,” she protested in her weak voice,” he could be more human than the others sometimes, nobody could touch his heart. I failed to make him stay and now they took my baby to the secret room.”

“Secret room?” Don asked, preparing and sterilizing his instruments for stitches, trying to sound casual” Which secret room? Do the Commander know about this room?”

“No, well, I don’t know,” she said in a low voice.”He seemed upset to lose his babies, before. He was making some project for ours. Project opposite to the Doctor Bishop’s one. Like playing baseball,” she murmured in a tone showing it was the foolest thing in the world.

Mikey stared at him in confusion but Don’s shushed him.

She had a disabused laugh and a tear ran down her cheek.

“It would have been great, in other circumstances. But ordinary family life is not allowed. He said he would bring me away when the time will come. They don’t let him. They won’t ever let him go. He is too precious. He is the missing piece the doctor needed. He could not quite control him as he wishes but...”

Her eyes fluttered, and eagerly, Don shook her, to have more information.

“What is Doctor Bishop’s plan? What was your place in it? Do you have any souvenir from your past?”

“No...our memory is erased by what they call the Stynx treatment. I had one, but Commander needs it once by month because he is strong-willed. Lately, they injected him even more.”

“How he could accept to have it erased then,” asked Mikey. Don did not reprimand him. It was already an achievement he stayed quiet so long and the question was relevant.

“They only switch the product in his injection. They made him believe he needs it. After that, he is as obedient as a robot for two weeks straight. After that, his rebellious side takes over more each day passing. I was supposed to keep him calm by love and sex, but...he didn’t love me.”

The tone was bitter and Donatello had a need to comfort her.

“He told me you were his favorite…”, he murmured, stopping his stitching to look her straight in her eyes. "I was jealous," he confessed. She uttered a sigh.

"Maybe I was because I remind him you. In his other life, Commander Caesar must have loved you deeply to not have forgotten about you. You don't have to feel jealousy.”

She closed her eyes again and stayed silent the remaining time he stitched her. Donatello wrapped the sutured wound with a sterilized bandage and, tired out by the stress, he removed his gloves. There was still an important step to do.

“Mikey, she needs a transfusion. You will assist me. My blood is probably her best option!”

“Save him,” she whispered so low, Donatello was not sure to have heard right.

“Who? Commander Caesar?”

She looked at him and Don knew it instinctively. Leo brought her too late or to be right, Donatello had been too slow. She was dying on them.

“No. Bobba," she replied lowly, her eyes already looking at something out of reach."They named him before taking him away. I guess it's a boy's name. He is yours now. Yours and the Commander's. Promise me to save him from the secret room,” she begged, squeezing Donnie’s hand with so much force for a dying being, staring intensely at Don. His soul froze.

She let out a death rattle and her mahogany colored eyes became glazed. Her hand was now slack around Donnie’s wrist.

Swallowing heavily, he closed the disturbing eyes and with great care, crossed her arms.

“She is dead?” Mikey asked, livid. Don simply nodded.”What are we gonna do?”

Don took a shaky breath.

“We will try to conserve her intact until Leonardo come back. She was his mate. He is the one having to choose about her burial.”

“Leo...Leo would be mad,” Mikey replied, his features showing fear and how ‘mad’ was an understatement.

Donatello took his head in his hands, trying to keep it together. He knew he needed to sound as calm as he wanted Mikey to be.

“I know. I will deal with it. I’m the only responsible.”

“When are you supposed to meet him again? Do you will tell him about her last wish?”

“I don’t know, Mikey. Now please, let me alone. It had been stressful and I don’t want us arguing next to a body,” Don shouted now upset. He did not need Mikey to remind him that somewhere there was a baby 50% from Leo and around 25% from him maybe experimented on like a guinea pig.

He closed his eyes, to prevent tear and when he opened it he looked for a comfort source to cope with all this stress. But Mikey had left, bringing away the morphine with him.

 


End file.
